once upon a time in wawanakwa
by Iracabeth.of.Crims.3118
Summary: what happens when chris forces campers ( and blaineley) to perform into the woods on tv? read on to find out i own nothing!
1. Chapter 1

CAST LIST:  
NARRATOR/MYSTERIOUS MAN: Chris Mc Lean

CINDERELLA: Courtney

JACK: Owen

BAKER: Trent

BAKER'S WIFE: Gwen

STEPMOTHER: Eva

FLORINDA: Katie

LUCINDA: Sadie

JACK'S MOTHER: Blaineley

LITTLE RED: Izzy

WITCH: Heather

CINDERELLA'S FATHER: Noah

WOLF: Alejandro

CINDERELLA'S PRINCE: Duncan

RAPUNZEL: Lindsay

RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE: Tyler

GRANNY/CINDERELLA'S MOTHER/GIANT'S VOICE: LeShawna

STEWARD: Geoff

SNOW WHITE: Beth

SLEEPING BEAUTY: Bridgette

HARP: Sierra

MILKY WHITE: cody

CHRIS: Guess what, campers? You're all required to be in a musical that I'm directing and starring in. It'll be broadcasted on live tv!

COURTNEY: ooh, yay! which play is it?

CHRIS: The Sondhiem classic: Into the Woods. A tale of wishes, morals and plenty of nightmare inducing scenarios to traumatize you all tonight.

BETH: OOH! Into the woods is my favorite! Who am I?

CHRIS: Snow White.

BETH: Aw, Crap! she's only got like one line!

LINDSAY: ooh, I love musicals! especially the ones with singing and dancing.

CHRIS: Well you are hot, and we need someone hot to play Rapunzel. you're in.

LINDSAY: OOH YEAH!

BETH: wait, doesn't she get killed by the giant?

CHRIS: who cares? it's just pretend. anyway just keep your frikin mouth shut, i'm the narrator and you do what i say.

HEATHER: ugh this sounds so lame.

CHRIS: you're in luck! you're playing the witch!

BETH: why does she get the main character?

CHRIS: cause she's got the personality. Gwen, trent, baker and his wife.

TRENT: Score, man! (gwen shoots him a look)

CHRIS: Lucky for you Gwen, after she has your child, she makes out with Cinderella's Prince aka Duncan.

GWEN: Awesome.

COURTNEY: (shoots gwen a look) who am I?

CHRIS: Cinderella.

COURTNEY: ugh. at least i can sing...

DUNCAN: I'm fine with this as long as i get to make out with pasty. what the hell it's better than being little red riding hoodlum. tell me i don't have to kiss HER, do i?

CHRIS: no.

DUNCAN: Thank you man!

EVA: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THIS! I WILL DESTROY YOU!

CHRIS: you're the stepmom then. just don't manage to cut off someone's toe for real ok?

KATIE: Ew, one of the stepsisters loses a toe?

CHRIS: They don't call it the Brother's Grimm for nothing. and you get to play her.

KATIE: AAAAAH!

CONFESSIONAL: KATIE: They can't make me lose a toe! i'm too pretty to lose a toe!

SADIE: well if she's florinda, then I'm lucinda. she doesn't lose a toe does she?

CHRIS: she loses a heel.

SADIE: NOOOO!

IZZY: I wanna be little red. I wanna wear fur and hold a knife! (cackles wildly)

OWEN: I wanna be jack. I like beans!

LINDSAY: ooh! can tyler be my prince?

CHRIS: I guess. and we have a not so special guest to play Jack's Mom: *Mildred* i mean Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran!

BLAINELEY: i have to play an old hack?

CHRIS: not necessarily. you are an old hack!

LESHAWNA: who am i?

CHRIS: you get 3 roles: cinderella's mom, Granny and the Giant.

LESHAWNA: why do i get the crappy roles?

CHRIS: deal with it.

(confessional: LESHAWNA: that dude is seriously gettin on my last nerve!)

GEOFF: can i be the steward? i wanna kill mildred!

CHRIS: don't we all? you can.

BRIDGETTE: does the steward get to make out with me?

CHRIS: no, and for that gross comment you're sleeping beauty. only one line!

CHRIS: Alejandro, you're the wolf, Noah, you're cinderella's dad, Sierra, you're the harp. and cody, you're milky white the pathetic zombie cow.

NOW...SHOWTIME!

CHRIS : Once upon a time!

COURTNEY: I wish...(i didn't have to marry duncan again!)

CHRIS: in a far off kingdom...

COURTNEY: More than anything:

CHRIS: -lived a fair maiden-

COURTNEY:More than life...

CHRIS: a sad young lad...

COURTNEY: : More than jewels...

OWEN: I wish...(for food)

CHRIS: and a childless baker...

OWEN: more than life...

COURTNEY, TRENT: i wish

CHRIS: With his wife.

COURTNEY TRENT OWEN: More than the moon

GWEN: I wish (that trent would stop staring at me!)

COURTNEY: the king is giving a festival!

GWEN TRENT: More than life

OWEN: I wish

COURTNEY: I wish to go to the festival

COURTNEY: I wish to go to the Festival-  
GWEN TRENT: More than riches..

COURTNEY: -and the Ball..

OWEN: -i wish my cow would give us some milk-

courtney, gwen, trent: more than anything!

trent: i wish we had a child-

owen: please pal

gwen: i want a child (but not with trent!)

courtney: i wish to go to the festival

owen: i wish you'd give us some milk or even cheese

gwen, trent: i wish we might have a child

gwen, courtney, owen, trent: i wish

(sadie, katie and eva enter)

eva: you wish to go to the festival!?

chris: the poor girl's mother had died.

eva: what you, cinderella, the festival, you wish to go to the festival!?

katie: what you cinderella the festival? the festival!? (i look so fetch in a corset!)

sadie: what you wish to go to the festival!?

eva, katie, sadie: the festival? the king's festival!?

chris: and her father had taken for his new wife...

eva: the festival!?

chris: a woman with 2 daughters of her own!

katie: look at you nails!

sadie: look at your dress!

eva: people would laugh at you!

courtney: nevertheless...

katie, sadie, eva: she still wants to go to the festival and dance before the prince! ha-ha-ha-ha (start laughing off key, except for eva standing there glaring at chris)

chris: all 3 were beautiful of face, but vile and black of heart! jack on the other hand had no father... and his mother... (blaineley enters)

blaineley: i wish-(that my image was still good)

chris: well, she was not quite beautiful. (blaineley glares him)

blaineley: i wish my son was not a fool! i wish my house was not a mess! i wish the cow was full of milk, i wish the walls were full of gold, i wish a lot of things!

you foolish child! what in heaven's name are you doing with a COW inside the house!?

owen: a warm environment might be just what milky white (cody in a cow suit) needs to produce his milk.

blaineley: IT"S A SHE! how many times must i tell you, ONLY SHES CAN GIVE MILK!

cody: actually i'm a guy!

chris: shut it, milky!

(2 knocks at the door izzy enters in a skanky little red costume)

gwen: why come in little girl.

izzy: i wish

its not for me its for my granny in the woods

a loaf of bread please

to bring my poor old hungry granny in the woods

just a loaf of bread please...

(bites into a baguette, and shakes it with her mouth)

chris: cinderella's stepmother had a surprise for her!

eva: i've emptied a pot of lentils into the ashes for you. if you have picked them out again in 2 hours time, then you shall go to the ball with us! (exits)

izzy: and perhaps a sticky bun? or 4? (snatches a tray of sticky buns from trent)

(interns dressed as birds enter)

courtney: birds in the sky, birds in the eaves and the leaves and the fields and the castles and ponds...

izzy: and a few of those pies, please?

courtney: come little birds down from the eaves and the leaves and the fields and the castles and ponds!

owen: now squeeze pal...

courtney: ah-ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah

quick little birds, pick through the ashes. pick and peck but swiftly sift through the ashes into the pot!

blaineley: listen well son. milky white must be taken to market.

owen: but mother no he's the best cow!

blaineley: was was!

sierra: (from off stage:) oh yes my codykins is the best cow!

blaineley: whatevers! SHE's been dry for a week! we've no food no money and no choice but to sell her while she can still command a price!

owen:but milky white is my best friend in the whole world!

blaineley:look at her! there are bugs on her dugs. there are flies in her eyes. there's a lump on her rump big enough to be a hump! son! we've no time to sit and dither while her withers wither with her... and no one keeps a cow for a friend. sometimes i fear youre touched.

(izzy has been compulsively eating sweets, and is on a sugar high. she swallows wipes her hands and mouth on her skirt showing her panties)

chris: yeesh!

izzy: into the woods it's time to go. i hate to leave i have to though. into the woods its' time and so i must begin my journey. into the woods and through the trees to where i am expected ma'am. into the woods to grandmother's house (stuffs marshmallow in her mouth) into the woods to grandmother's house! (lets out loud belch)

gwen: youre ... certain of your way?

izzy: the way is clear. the light is good. i have no fear nor no one should. the woods are just trees. the trees are just wood. i sorta hate to ask it but do you have a basket?

(gwen rolls eyes and gets a basket)

trent: don't stray and be late!

gwen: save some of those sweets for granny!

izzy: into the woods and down the dell the path is straight i know it well. into the woods and who can tell what's waiting on the journey. into the woods to bring some bread to granny who is sick in bed. never can tell what lies ahead. for all that i know she's already dead! but into the woods! into the woods! into the woods and out of the woods and home before dark! (exits)

(interns exit)

courtney: fly birds,

back to the sky

back to the eaves

and the leaves

and the fields and the-

(katie and sadie enter wearing tacky lavender (katie) and pink (sadie) ball gowns)

katie: hurry up and do my hair, cinderella (glaring at sadie who stole her dress and ripped it) are you really wearing THAT?

sadie: (pointing to her skirt rip and eying katies surprisingly messy pigtails) here i found a little tear, cinderella. CAN'T YOU HIDE IT WITH A HAT!?

courtney:(rolling her eyes) you look beautiful!

katie: i know.

sadie: she means me.

katie: put it in a twist!

sadie: who will be there?

courtney: (trying to fix katie's hair) mother said be good, father said be nice. that was always their advice, so be NICE, cinderella, GOOD cinderella, nice good good nice!

katie: tighter!

courtney: but what's the good of being good if everyone is blind, always leaving you behind? never mind, cinderella! kind cinderella! nice good good kind good nice!

katie: (screaming and slapping courtney too hard) NOT THAT TIGHT!

courtney: (through clenched teeth) sorry

katie: clod...

sadie: hee hee hee. (katie gives her the look) hee hee

chris:Because the Baker had lost his mother and father in a baking accident- well, at least that is what he believed-he was eager to have a family  
of his own, and concerned that ALL efforts until now had failed.  
(Knock on Baker's door)

trent: who might that be?

gwen: we've sold our last loaf of bread...

trent: it's the witch from next door!

(heather enters in a cloak with a prosthetic nose and chin, and a frizzy gray wig)

gwen, trent: we have no bread... (gwen is trying not to laugh at heather.)

heather: Of course you have no bread!

trent: what do you wish?

heather: its not what i wish! it's what YOU wish! (points gwen's belly) nothing cooking in THERE now is there?

chris:The old enchantress went on to tell the couple that she had placed a spell on their house.

trent: what spell?

heather:In the past, when you were no more than a babe, your father brought  
his young wife and you to this cottage. They were a handsome couple, but  
not handsome neighbors.  
You see, your mother was with child and she had developed an unusual appetite. She took one look at my beautiful garden, and told your father that what she wanted, more than anything in the world, was

Greens, greens, and nothing but greens: Parsley, peppers, cabbages and celery, Asparagus and watercress and Fiddleferns and lettuce-!

He said 'ALL right,'  
But it wasn't, quite,  
'Cause I caught him in the autumn  
In my garden one night!  
He was robbing me,  
Raping me,  
Rooting through my rutabaga,  
Raiding my arugula and  
Ripping up the rampion  
(My champion! My favorite!)-  
I should have laid a spell on him right there. Could have turned him into stone,  
Or a dog, or a chair,  
Or a sn- (drifts off into a momentary trance) But I let him have the rampion,  
I'd lots to spare.  
In return, however,  
I said 'Fair is fair;  
You can let me have the baby  
That your wife will bear.  
And we'll call it square.'

trent: i had a brother!?

heather: no! but you had a sister...

chris:but the witch refused to tell him any more of his sister. not even that her name was Rapunzel. she went on:

heather:I thought I had been more than reasonable, and that we all might live happily there ever after. But how was I to know what your father had also hid in his pocket?! You see, when I had inherited that garden,  
my mother had warned me that I would be punished if I ever were to lose any of the Beans.

gwen, trent: beans?

heather:The SPECIAL beans. I let him go,  
I didn't know  
He'd stolen my beans!

I was watching him crawl Back over the wall-!  
And then bang! Crash!  
And the lightning flash! And-well, that's another story, Never mind-

Anyway, at last The big day came

And I made my claim.  
"Don't take away the baby,"  
They shrieked and screeched,  
But I did,  
And I hid her  
Where she'll never be reached.  
And your father cried,  
And your mother died  
When for extra measure-  
I admit it was a pleasure-  
I said, "Sorry,  
I'm still not mollified."  
And I laid a little spell on them.  
You too, son.  
That your family tree would always be a barren one... (laughs)

(i like this part)

gwen: NO!

heather:

So there's no more fuss  
And there's no more scenes And my garden thrives-  
You should see my nectarines! But I'm telling you the same  
I tell Kings and Queens: Don't ever never ever  
Mess around with my greens! Especially the beans.

Blaineley: Now listen to me, jack! Lead Milky-White to market and fetch the best price you can. Take no less than five pounds. Are you listening  
to me?

owen: yes.

blaineley: how much are you to ask?

owen: no more than 5 pounds.

(she pinches his ear)

blaineley, owen: Less! Than five.

blaineley: Jack, Jack, Jack, Head in a sack,  
The house is getting colder,  
This is not a time for dreaming. Chimney-stack

Starting to crack,

The mice are getting bolder, The floor's gone slack.  
Your mother's getting older, Your father's not back,

And you can't just sit here dreaming pretty dreams. To wish and wait  
From day to day  
Will never keep

The wolves away. So into the woods, The time is now. We have to live,

I don't care how.  
Into the woods  
To sell the cow.  
You must begin the journey. Straight through the woods And don't delay-

We have to face  
The marketplace.  
Into the woods to journey's end-

owen: Into the woods to sell a friend-  
blaineley: Someday you'll have a real pet, Jack.

owen: A piggy? (mm bacon!)  
(blaineley shakes her head in disbelief)

chris: Meanwhile, the Witch, for purposes of her own, explained how the Baker might lift the spell:

heather: You wish to have The curse reversed?  
I'll need a certain  
Potion first.

Go to the wood and bring me back: One: the cow as white as milk, Two: the cape as red as blood, Three: the hair as yellow as corn, Four: the slipper as pure as gold. Bring me these before the chime Of midnight

In three days' time, And you shall have, I guarantee,  
A child as perfect As child can be.

Go to the wood! (disappears)

eva: Ladies, our carriage waits.

courtney: Now may I go to the Festival?

eva: The Festival? Darling, those nails!  
Darling, those clothes!  
Lentils are one thing but Darling, with those,

You'd make us the fools of the Festival And mortify the Prince!

noah: The carriage is waiting. STEP-MOTHER: We must be gone.

(they exit with a flourish)

courtney: goodnight, father...

i wish!

trent: look what i found in father's hunting jacket!

gwen: 6 beans. (wow trent's character is as stupid as he is!)

trent: i wonder if they are...

gwen: its the witches beans! we'll take them with us!

trent: no you are not to come.

gwen: i know you are fearful of the woods at night!

trent: the spell is on my house.

only i can lift the spell

the spell is on MY house!

gwen: (overlapping) no no the spell is on OUR house!

we must lift the spell together. the spell is on our house.

trent: over: no you are not to come and that is final! now what am i to return with?

gwen: you don't remember!?

the cow as white as milk

the cape as red as blood

the hair as yellow as corn

the slipper as pure as gold!

trent: (memorizing) the cow as white as milk the cape as red as blood the hair as yellow as corn, the slipper as pure as gold!

chris: and so the baker went off to meet the enchantress's demands. as for cinderella:

courtney:I still wish to go to the Festival, But how am I ever to get to the Festival?

trent: (simultaneously): The cow as white as milk, The cape as red as blood,  
The hair as yellow as corn-

gwen: The slipper-trent: The slipper as pure as gold...

courney (Over): I know! I'll visit Mother's grave,  
The grave at the hazel tree,  
And tell her I just want to

Go to the King's Festival...

trent: The cow, the cape, The slipper as pure as gold-

gwen: The hair-!

courtney trent: Into the woods, It's time to go,  
It may be all  
In vain, you (I) know.

Into the woods-  
But even so,  
I have to take the journey.

trent, courntey gwen: Into the woods, The path is straight,  
You (I) know it well,  
But who can tell-?

gwen, trent: Into the woods to lift the spell- courtney: Into the woods to visit Mother-

gwen: Into the woods to fetch the things- trent: To make the potion-  
courtney: To go to the Festival-

gwen, trent, courtney, owen, blaineley: Into the woods Without regret,  
The choice is made,  
The task is set.

Into the woods,  
But not forget-  
Ting why I'm (you're) on the journey. Into the woods  
To get my (our) wish,  
I don't care how,  
The time is now.

blaineley: Into the woods to sell the cow- owen: Into the woods to get the money-  
gwen: Into the woods to lift the spell-trent: To make the potion-

courtney: To go to the Festival-  
izzy: Into the woods to Grandmother's house...

Into the woods to Grandmother's house...

ALL: The way is clear, The light is good,  
I have no fear,  
Nor no one should.

the woods are just trees, The trees are just wood.  
No need to be afraid there-

trent, couurtney: There's something in the glade there...

ALL: Into the woods Without delay,  
But careful not  
To lose the way.

Into the woods,  
Who knows what may  
Be lurking on the journey? Into the woods

To get the thing That makes it worth The journeying. Into the woods-

katie, sadie, eva: to see the king!

owen, blaineley: to sell the cow!

gwen, trent: to make the potion!

ALL: To see- To sell-  
To get-  
To bring-

To make-  
To lift-  
To go to the Festival-! Into the woods!  
Into the woods!  
Into the woods,  
Then out of the woods, And home before dark!


	2. Chapter 2

chris: CINDERELLA had planted a branch at the grave of her mother and she visited there so often and wept so much, that her tears watered it until it had become a handsome tree.

courtney:

I've been good and I've been kind, Mother, Doing only what I learned from you.  
Why, then, am I left behind, Mother,  
Is there something more that I should do? What is wrong with me Mother? Something must be wrong!

I wish..

leshawna:

What, skinny rich girl? Specify. Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor. And good fortune, like bad, can befall when least expected.

Courtney: I wish.

leshawna:

Do you know what you wish?  
Are you certain what you wish is what you want? If you know what you want, then make a wish. Ask the tree,  
And you shall have your wish.

courtney:

Shiver and quiver, little tree. Silver and gold throw down on me. I'm off to get my wish!

owen: Quiet. Silence everywhere Milky-White. Not to my liking.

cody: moo

chris: Hello, Jack!

owen: How did you know my name?

chris: When first I appear I seem mysterious, but when explained I'm nothing serious.

owen: Say that again.  
chris: On your way to Market?! You might have been there long ago. You

taking your time Jack?

owen: No sir.

chris: That the truth!?

owen: Well, you see...

chris: How much are you asking for the animal?

owen: No less than five pounds sir.

chris: Bah. Jack. Why such a sum?

owen: My Mother told me...

chris: Your Mother! A boy your age!? Why...you'll be luck to exchange her for a sack of beans. (He exits).

owen: Well, I... Come along Milky-White, there are spirits here!


	3. Chapter 3

alejandro: Good day young lady.

izzy: Good day Mr. Wolf.

alejandro: Wither away so hurriedly?

izzy: To my Grandmothers.

alejandro: Ah! And what might be in your basket?

izzy: Bread and wine, so Grandmother will have something good to make her strong.

alejandro: Oh, and where might your Grandmother live?  
izzy: A good quarter of league further in the wood. Her house

stands under three large oak trees.

alejandro: Mmmh..  
Unhh...  
Look at that flesh, pink and plump. Hello, little girl...  
Tender and fresh, not one lump. Hello, little girl...  
This one's especially lush, Delicious...

Hello, little girl, what's your rush? You're missing all the flowers. The sun won't set for hours,  
Take your time.

izzy: Mother said, "Straight ahead," Not to delay or be misled.

alejandro: But slow, little girl, Hark! And hush- the birds are singing sweetly.  
You'll miss the birds completely,  
You're traveling so fleetly.

Grandmother first, then Miss Plump...  
What a delectable couple:  
Utter perfection, one brittle, one supple-One moment, my dear-!

izzy: Mother said, "Come what may, Follow the path and never stray."

alejandro: Just so, little girl- any path. So many worth exploring.  
Just one would be so boring.  
And look what you're ignoring...

Think of those crisp, aging bones,  
Then something fresh on the palate.  
Think of that scrumptious carnality twice in one day-! There's no possible way to describe what you feel When you're talking to your meal!

izzy: Mother said not to stray. Still, I suppose, a small delay...  
leshawna might like a fresh bouquet...

Goodbye, Mr. Wolf.

alejandro: Goodbye, little girl. And hello...  
(howls)

trent: Is harm to come to that little girl, in the red cape?!

heather: Forget the little girl and get the cape!  
trent: You frightened me!  
heather: That's the cape! Get it! Get it! Get it!

trent: How am I supposed to get it!?  
heather: You go up to the little thing and you take it!  
trent: No! No! I can't just take a cloak from a little girl. Why don't you take it? WITCH: If I could, I would. But I can't!  
lindsay: A-a-a-a-a-a-ah

heather: Oooh, ahhh. My Rapunzel. Listen to her beautiful music. Get me what I need! Get me what I need! (Laughter)

trent: This is ridiculous! I'll never get that red cape! Or find a golden cow or a yellow slipper. Or was it a golden slipper and a yellow cow? Oh no...I...

gwen: The cow as white as milk, the cape as red as blood, the hair as yellow as corn, the slipper as pure as gold...

trent: What are you doing here!?

gwen: You forgot your scarf.

trent: No, no, no, no, no. You have no business being alone in the woods! And you have no idea what I have happened upon here! You would be frightened for your life! Now go home immediately!

gwen: I wish to help.  
trent: No! The spell is on my house.  
gwen: Our house.  
trent: (Overlapping) Only I can lift the spell. The spell is on my house.

gwen: (Overlapping) We must lift the spell together the spell is on...

gwen: A cow as white as...  
BOTH: Milk.  
trent: Hello there young man.  
owen: Hello sir.  
trent: What might you being doing with a cow in the middle of the forest?

owen: I was heading toward market but, I seem to have lost my way.  
trent: Ah...uh...  
gwen: (To trent) What are you planning to do there?  
trent: Yes, ah...uh...what are you planning to do there?  
owen: Sell my cow sir. No less than five pounds.  
trent: Five pounds! (to gwen) Where am I to get five pounds.

gwen: Oh..Oh, she must be generous of milk to fetch five pounds.

owen: Yes, ma'am.

gwen: Ah, and if you cannot fetch that sum, then what are you to do?

owen: I hadn't thought of that.  
gwen: Ah ha.

owen: I suppose my mother and I will have no food to eat.

trent: (To gwen) This is the sum total.  
gwen: (To trent Beans!? We can...uh, oh. We mustn't give up our beans. Oh,

well, well if you feel we must. (To Jack) Son, beans will bring you food.

owen: Beans!? In exchange for my cow!

gwen: Uh, well these are no ordinary beans. Uh, son these beans carry magic.

owen: Magic? What kind of magic?

gwen: (To trent) Tell him.

trent: Magic that defies description.

owen: Well, my mom told me...

chris: You'd be lucky to exchange her for a sack of beans!

owen: How many beans!

trent: Uh, six.

gwen: No, five. We can't part with all of them. We must save one for ourselves. Besides, I'd say these beans are worth a pound each at the very least.

owen: Could I buy my cow back someday?

trent: Uh well, uh, possibly.  
trent: Good luck there young lad.

owen: (To cody) I guess this is goodbye, old pal. You've been a perfect friend.  
I hate to see us part, old pal,  
Someday I'll buy you back.

I'll see you soon again.

I hope that when i do,

it won't be on a plate!

trent: (To gwen) Quickly, take the cow and go home!

gwen: I was trying to be helpful.

trent: Magic beans! Are we we've no reason to believe they're magic! Are we to dispel this curse through deceit?

gwen: Oh, no one would have given him more for this creature. Anyway, we did him a favor. At least they'll have some food.

trent: Five beans!

gwen: If you know what you want, Then you go and you find it  
And you get it-

trent: (pointing off) Home.

gwen: Do we want a child, or not? -and you give and you take  
And you bid and you bargain,  
Or you live to regret it.

trent: Will you please go home.

gwen: There are rights and wrongs and in-betweens- No one waits when fortune intervenes.  
And maybe they're really magic.  
Who knows?

Why you do what you do, That's the point,  
ALL the rest of it is chatter.

trent: (about cody) Look at her, she's crying.

gwen: If the thing you do is pure in intent, If it's meant, and it's just a little bent,  
Does it matter?

trent: Yes.

gwen: No, what matters is that everyone tells tiny lies- What's important, really, is the size.

Only three more tries, and we'll have our prize.  
When the end's in sight, you'll realize: If the end is right, it justifies The beans!

trent: Quickly, take the cow and go home. I will carry this out in my own fashion.


	4. Chapter 4

chris: And so, the Baker continued his search for the cape as red as blood. Now, as for Rapunzel.

lindsay: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

chris:

The WITCH was careful not to lose this beauty to the outside world. And so, shut her within a door less tower deep within the forest.

heather: RAPUNZEL! GODDAMMIT LINDSAYIT! let down your hair to me.

(Lindsay lets down her extensions. and screams. heather kicks at the tower trying to climb up.)

tyler: Rapunzel. Rapunzel. What a strange name. Oh strange but beautiful fit for a prince. Tomorrow, before that horrible Witch arrives, I shall stand before her window and ask her to let her hair down to me.

trent: Hello there little one.  
izzy: Hello.  
trent: Have you saved some of those sweets for Granny?  
izzy: I ate all the sweets. And half a loaf of bread.  
trent: Ah, where did you get this beautiful cape? I so admire it.  
izzy: My Granny made it for me.  
trent: Is that right. I would love to have a red cloak like this.  
izzy: You'd look pretty foolish.  
trent: May I take a look at it?  
izzy: Oh, I don't like being without my cape. please give it back.

trent: No I need it badly so...  
izzy: Give it back please! (starts to get into a karate stance)  
trent: No...  
Heather: Forget the little girl and get the cape!  
izzy: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (kicks trent in the balls as he takes he cape away)

trent: Shhh, I just wanted to make sure you really loved this cape. Now, you go to your Granny's and be careful no wolf comes your way.

izzy: I'd rather a wolf than you any day! (kicks him again)

trent: If you know what you need then you go and you find it and you take it. Do I want a child or not. It's a cloak, what's a cloak? It's a joke. It's a stupid little cloak. And a cloak is what you make it, so you take it. Things are only what you need them for. What's important is who needs them more!

chris: And so the Baker, with new found determination, went after the red cape. As for the little girl...she was surprised to find her Grandmother's cottage door standing open.

izzy: Oh dear, how uneasy I feel. Perhaps it's all the sweets?...Good day Grandmother...My Grandmother, you're looking very strange. What big ears you have.

alejandro: The better to hear you with my dear.

izzy: But Grandmother, what big eyes you have.  
alejandro: The better to see you with my dear.  
izzy: Grandmother, what large hands you have.  
alejandro: The better to hug you with my dear.

izzy: Oh Grandmother, what a terrible big wet mouth you have.

alejandro: The better to eat you with!

izzy: Ahhhhh!

chris: And as scarcely as the wolf said this, he was devouring the little girl!  
Well, it was a full day of eating for BOTH. And with his appetite appeased, the wolf took to bed for a nice long nap.

trent: That Grandmother has a mighty snore. Odd. Where is the little one? Eating no doubt.

alejandro: (Burp). (excuse me)

trent: Or eaten! Grandmother, ha! What is that red clothe doing in the corner of your mouth!?  
That looks to me to be a piece of...I will get the cape from within your stomach.

izzy: Ahhhh, uggh, ooof. Oh, what a fright! Eeeew! How dark and dank it was inside that WOLF!

leshawna: Ahhhhhh...Kill the devil! Take that knife and cut his evil head off! Let's see the demon sliced into a thousand bits! No, No! Better yet! Let the animal die a painful, agonizing hideous death!

izzy: Granny! wait no that sounds awesome! (giggles)  
leshawna: Ah, quiet child! This evil needs to be destroyed! Now, you fetch me some great

stones. We'll fill his belly with them and then watch him try to run away! Ha, ha, ha! BAKER: I will just eave you to your task.  
leshawna: no, no wait, wait! Don't you want the skins!?  
trent: Oh no, please keep them!

leshawna: Ah, what kind of a hunter are you!?

trent: I'm a baker!

izzy:

Mother said, 'straight ahead,  
Not to delay, or be mislead.'  
I should have heeded her advice.  
But he seemed so nice.  
And he showed me things, many beautiful things,  
That I hadn't thought to explore.  
They were off my path, so I never had dared.  
I had been so careful, I never had cared.  
And he made me feel excited..  
Well, excited and scared.  
When he said, 'Come in,' with that sickening grin,  
How could I know what was in store?  
Once his teeth were bared, though, I really got scared.  
Well, excited and scared..  
But he drew me close, and he swallowed me down,  
Down a dark, slimy path, where lie secrets that I never want to know, And when everything familiar seemed to disappear forever,  
At the end of the path, was Granny once again,  
So we wait in the dark, until someone sets us free,  
And we're brought into the light,  
And we're back at the start..  
And I know things now, many valuable things,  
That I hadn't known before.  
Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood.  
They will not protect you the way that they should.  
And take extra care with strangers, even flowers have their dangers,

And though scary is exciting,  
Nice is different than good.  
Now I know, don't be scared. Granny is right, just be prepared. Isn't it nice to know a lot?  
..And a little bit.. not.

Oh mister Baker! You saved our lives...here.

trent: Are you certain?

izzy: Maybe Granny will make me another with the skins of that WOLF!

trent: Oh, no, no. Thank you. Thank you!

chris: Now the Baker with the second article in hand and feeling more braver and satisfied then he had ever felt, ran back through the woods. As for the lad Jack.

blaineley: (fake Crying) Oh, oh. Only a dolt would exchange a cow for beans!

owen: Mother! No! (blaineley slaps him)

blaineley: To bed without any supper for you!

chris: And little did they know that those beans would grow into an enormous stalk that would stretch into the heavens!

gwen: Miss, are you alright?

courtney: Uh, yes, I uh, just need to catch my breath.

gwen: Oh, oh my, oh, what a beautiful gown your wearing.

courtney: Thank you.

gwen: Were you at the King's Festival?

courtney: Yes.

gwen: Oh! Aren't you the lucky one! Whatever are you doing in the wood at this hour? (she sucks!)

(Voices off stage)

courtney: Oh no, oh no! Shhhhhh! (to gwen)  
duncan: (duncan and the geoff enter).

(to Baker's Wife) Have you seen a beautiful young woman in a ball gown pass thru?

gwen: Uh, I don't think so sir.  
geoff: I think I see her over there, dude! (they exit)  
gwen: Oh, I've never lied to royalty before.

courtney: (genuinely) Oh, thank you.  
gwen: If a Prince were looking for me I certainly wouldn't hide.

courtney: Well...what brings you here? And with a cow!  
gwen: Oh. Well my husband is in the woods somewhere.

courtney: Oh.  
gwen: He's undoing a spell.  
courtney: Oh?  
gwen: Oh yes.  
courtney: Oooooh!  
gwen: But, the Prince...the Prince. What was he like?

courtney: He's a very nice Prince.

gwen: And-?

courtney: And- It's a very nice ball.

gwen: And-?

courtney: And-

When I entered, they trumpeted.

Gwen: And-? The Prince-?

courtney: Oh, the Prince?...

gwen: Yes, the Prince! Courtney: Well, he's tall.

gwen: Is that all?

Did you dance? Is he charming? They say that he's charming.

courtney: he's a thug. We did nothing but dance.

gwen: Yes-? And-?  
Courtney: And it made a nice change. BAKER'S WIFE: No, the Prince!  
Courtney: Oh, the Prince?...  
gwen: Yes, the Prince.  
courtney: He has charm for a Prince, I guess...

gwen: Guess?

courtney: I don't meet a wide range. And it's ALL very strange.

gwen: Are you to attend the Festival tomorrow eve?

courtney: Oh, perhaps...

gwen: Perhaps! Ha ha ha ha. Oh, to be pursued by a Prince...all that pursues me is tomorrows bread. What I wouldn't give to be in your shoes.

courtney: Would you look over there! An enormous vine growing next to that cottage!

gwen: I mean slippers!  
courtney: It looks like a giant beanstalk rising into the sky!  
gwen: As pure as...gold!

courtney: I must get home! (She exits).

gwen: I need your shoe! Hey, oh no! Come back here! Hey! (She goes after her, but cody begins to run off so she goes after him instead).


	5. Chapter 5

trent: One midnight gone...

chris: No knot unties itself...

heather: Sometimes the things you most wish for are...not to be touched...

tyler duncan: The harder to get, the better to have...

duncan: Agreed?

tyler: Agreed.

katie: Never wear mauve at a ball...

sadie: Or pink...

eva: (annoyed) Or open your mouth...

owen: The difference between a cow and a bean Is a bean can begin an adventure...

blaineley: Slotted spoons don't hold much soup...  
izzy: The prettier the flower, the farther from the path...

noah: The closer to the family, the closer to the wine...

lindsay (offstage): Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah...  
heather: One midnight gone!...  
leshawna: The mouth of a wolf's not the end of the world...  
geoff: A servant is not just a dog, to a Prince...  
courtney: Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor...

gwen: You may know what you need, But to get what you want,  
Better see that you keep what you have.  
(all overlapping)

trent: One midnight gone...  
heather: Sometimes the things you most wish for are not to be touched...

duncan, tyler: The harder to get, the better to have...  
duncan: Agreed?  
tyler: Agreed.  
trent: One midnight gone...one midnight gone...  
katie: Never wear mauve at a ball...

sadie: Or pink...  
blaineley: Slotted spoons don't hold much soup...  
gwen: To get what you want better keep what you...

izzy: The prettier the flower...

ALL: One midnight one midnight one midnight gone.. Into the woods,  
Into the woods,  
Into the woods, then out of the woods

and home before-


	6. Chapter 6

owen:

There are Giants in the sky!  
There are big, tall, terrible Giants in the sky!

When you're way up high, and you look below At the world you've left and the things you know, Little more than a glance is enough to show  
You just how small you are.

When you're way up high, and you're on your own, In a world like none that you've ever known,  
Where the sky's like lead, and the earth's like stone, You're free to do whatever pleases you.

Exploring things you'd never dared,  
'Cause you don't care,  
When suddenly there's  
A big, tall, terrible Giant at the door.  
A big, tall, terrible lady Giant sweeping the floor.

But she gives you food, and she gives you rest.  
And she draws you close to her Giant breast.  
And you know things now, that you never knew before. Not till the sky.

Only just when you've made a friend and all,  
And you know she's big, but you don't feel small,  
Someone bigger than her comes along the hall  
To swallow you for lunch!  
And your heart is lead, and your stomach's stone,  
And you're really scared, being all alone,  
And it's then that you miss all the things you've known,  
And the world you've left, and the little you own;  
The fun is done.  
You steal what you can, and run!  
And you scramble down, and you look below  
At the world you know, and the things you know..  
The roof, the house, and your mother at the door.  
The roof, the house, and the world you never thought to explore. And you think of all of the things you'd seen.  
And you wish that you could live in-between.  
And you're back again, only different than before.  
After the sky.  
There are Giants in the sky!  
There are big, tall, terrible, awesome, scary,  
Wonderful Giants in the sky!

owen: (To trent) Good fortune! Good fortune sir, look what I have! Here are five gold pieces!

trent: Five gold pieces!

owen: I had more but my mother made me surrender them. She allowed me these five to do with as I please.

trent: Oh my!  
owen: Where is Milky-White?  
trent: Uh, uh. Milky-White is back home with my wife.

owen: Let's go find them!  
trent: Oh, no, no! I don't know that I wish to sell!

owen: You said that I might buy her back!  
trent: I know. But, I don't know if five gold pieces...

owen: Are you saying that you wish more money.

trent: More money.  
owen: Keep this and I will go fetch more!

trent: Oh no, no, no! Wait! Wait! I didn't say that I would...(Looks at gold and dances a jig to himself). Five gold pieces. With this money I could buy baking supplies for a year! I could buy a new thatch roof!

chris: But, could you buy yourself a child!

trent: Who are you!?

chris: When first I appear, I seem delirious! When explained I'm nothing serious would you buy yourself a child?

trent: I don't understand. I...

chris: How badly do you wish a child? Five gold pieces? Ten? Twenty?

trent: I'd not thought to put a price on it.

chris: Exactly! You've not thought about many things, have you son.

trent: Oh! Give me back the money! That is not yours!

chris: Nor is it Jack's! The money's not what's important. What's important is that your wish be honored.

trent: Give me the money back! Come back here! (To gwen) What are you doing here now!?

gwen: I see you've the red cape!  
trent: Yes! Yes, I've the cape! I've only two items left to locate!  
gwen: Three!  
trent: Two! I've the cow and the cape!  
gwen: You've the cape!  
trent: What have you done with the cow?  
gwen: She ran away before I reached home I have been looking for her all night!

trent: I should have known better than to have entrusted her to you!

Gwen: She might just as easily have run from you!

trent: But she didn't!

gwen: Well, she might have!

trent: But, she didn't!

gwen: But, the cow...

trent: But, she didn't

heather: Whooooo caaaaaaaaares! The cow is goooooone! Get it baaaaaaaack! (wow they're losers like gwen and trent themselves!)

trent: uh, uh, eh.

heather: GET IT BACK!

trent: We were just going to do that. Look. I could give you this! (Shows her the cape)

heather: (Screams) Ahhhhh! I don't want to touch that! Fool! Have you no sense!?

lindsay: A-a-a-a-a-a-ah

heather: (to the air) Oh, oh. My "lindsayit" calls...she over there. (to the Baker) By tomorrow's midnight. Deliver the items! Or you'll wish you never thought to have a child!

trent: I don't like that woman.

gwen: I am sorry that I lost the cow.

trent: Yes, yes. I, I shouldn't have yelled. Now, please go back to the village.

gwen: But...

trent: Quickly please. (She starts to exit) I will make things right! And then, we can just go about our lives. No more hunting in the woods for strange objects!

gwen: No.  
trent: No more Witches!

gwen: Shhhh!  
trent: Or dim witted boys!

gwen: (laughs)  
trent: Or hungry little girls!

gwen: Oh, I'll stay with...

trent: Go! (they BOTH exit).


	7. Chapter 7

(The Princes enter)

tyler: Ah, there you are good brother! Father and I had wondered where you had gone.

duncan: I've been looking all night! For her.

tyler: Her?  
duncan: Yes. The beautiful one I danced the evening with!

tyler: Well, where did she go?

duncan: Disappeared, like the fine morning mist.

tyler: Well, she was lovely.

duncan: The loveliest.

tyler: Oh, I'm not certain of that! I must confess that I too have found a lovely maiden. She lives here in the woods.

duncan: The woods!?  
tyler: Yes! In the top of a tall tower...that has no door or stairs.

duncan: Where?  
tyler: Two leagues from here due east just beyond the mossy knoll.

duncan: And, how do you manage a visit?

tyler: Oh, I stand before her window and I say "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair to me". And then she lowers the longest most beautiful head of hair. Yellow as corn. Which I climb to her.

duncan: Oh, (laughs) Rapunzel, Rapunzel. What kind of name is that? You jest. I have never have heard of such a thing.

tyler: I speak the truth. And she as true as your maiden! A maiden that running from a Prince. None would run from us.

duncan: Yet, one has.

duncan:

Did I abuse her, or show her disdain? Why does she run from me?  
If I should lose her, how shall I regain The heart she has won from me? Agony! Beyond power of speech, When the one thing you want

Is the only thing out of your reach.

tyler:

High in her tower, she sits by the hour, Maintaining her hair.  
Blithe and becoming, and frequently humming A lighthearted air... A-a-a-a-a-a-ah..  
Agony! Far more painful than yours!  
When you know she would go with you,  
If there only were doors!

BOTH:

Agony! Oh the torture they teach!

tyler:

What's as intriguing-

duncan:

Or half so fatiguing-

BOTH:

As what's out of reach?

duncan:

Am I not sensitive, clever, well-mannered, considerate, Passionate, charming, as kind as I'm handsome,  
And heir to the throne?! (great, the guy's a sap!)

tyler:

You are everything maidens could wish for.

duncan:

The why no?

tyler:

Do I know?

duncan:

The girl must be mad!

tyler:

You know nothing of madness..

..Till you're climbing her hair, and you see her Up there, as you're nearing her,  
All the while hearing her 'A-a-a-a-a-a-ah.'

BOTH: Agony!

duncan: Misery!

tyler: Woe!

BOTH: Though it's different for each.

duncan: Always ten steps behind-

tyler: Always ten feet below-

both: And she's just out of reach. Agony, that can cut like a knife! I must have her to wife.

gwen: Ah, two Princes. Each more handsome than the other!...No, get the hair.

blaineley: Excuse me young woman! Have you encountered a boy with blond hair, and a sunny though occasionally vague disposition, answering to the name of Jack?

gwen: Not the one partial to a white cow?  
blaineley: He's the one.  
gwen: Have you seen the cow!?

blaineley: No. And I don't care to ever again. Children can be very queer about their animals. You be careful with your children.

gwen: I have no children.  
blaineley: That's ok too.  
gwen: Yes. Well, I'm, I'm sorry. Very sorry, I've not seen your son today.

blaineley: I hope he didn't go up that beanstalk again. Quit while your ahead I say!...JACK! Jaaaack! (They both exit).

trent: (Calling for Milky-White) Moooooo, Moooooo, Mooooooo.

chris: Moooooo! Looking for your cow? (He exits).

trent: Where did you find her!? Hello!? Hello!? (He exits). (Mysterious Man re-enters).

heather: What are you doing?  
chris: I'm here to make amends.  
heather: I warned you to stay out of this old man!  
chris: I'm here to see that you get your wish!  
heather: You! Have caused enough trouble. You keep out of my path! (Zaps him with magic).

chris: Ahhh!  
heather: (Laughs).

gwen: Ah. Oh no, let's see. If that was the mossy knoll? Then this must be the...the tower! Oh, I certainly hope there are no Witches to be encountered here. Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair to me.

lindsay: Is that you my tyler?  
gwen: Uh,...(in deep voice) yes! (hair lowers) Oh, my yes! Oh, excuse me for this!

(She pulls on hair).  
lindsay: Ah!  
gwen: Oh!  
lindsay: Ah! Ahhhhhhh! (A long strand is ripped out).

gwen: (Happily laughs).

(courtney enters and trips and falls)

gwen: Well, my goodness. You do take plenty of spills don't you?

Courtney: It's these slippers! They're not suited for these surroundings! Actually, they're

not much suited for dancing either.  
gwen: Oh, uh. I'd say these slippers were as pure as gold.  
Courtney: Oh yes, they are all you could wish for in beauty.  
gwen: Oh, what I wouldn't give for just one!  
courtney: Well, one is not likely to do you much good.  
BOTH: (Laugh).  
gwen: Was the Ball just as wonderful as last evening?  
Courtney: Oh, it's still a nice Ball.  
gwen: Yes. And...  
courtney: And...they have far too much food.  
gwen: No, the Prince.  
Courtney: Oh, the Prince.  
gwen: Yes, the Prince. (what a ditz!)  
courtney: If he knew who I really was.  
gwen: Oh! Who?  
courtney: I'm afraid I was rude.  
gwen: Oh! How? (always)  
courtney: Now I'm being pursued.  
gwen: Yes, and...  
courtney: And I'm not in the mood.  
gwen: Oh. He must've taken a liking to you.  
courtney: Oh, yes. But I have no experience with princes, castles, gowns and things!

gwen: Oh, nonsense! Every girl dreams of just those things.

geoff: dude! Look there!

Courtney: Oh, I must go!

gwen: No you mustn't ! I need your shoe! (They struggle)

Courtney: Oh! No, no, no, no!

gwen: Oh please! I need it to get me out of here! Give me your shoe! (CINDERELLA takes the shoe and exits).

duncan: Where did she go!?

gwen: Who?

geoff: Don't play the fool woman!

Gwen: Oh yes, of course. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! You mean the beautiful...the maiden! The young maiden in the ball gown!

duncan: Yes! Yes!  
gwen: Oh, she went in that direction! (gwen)...I was trying to hold her

here for you.  
duncan: I can capture my own damsel! Thank you. (He exits).

eva: Oh, oh, oh. Where did he go!?  
gwen: Who!?  
sadie: Why, the Prince of course!  
gwen: That direction. You'll never reach him.  
katie: Oh, well we would have if that mongrel with the cow hadn't molested us!

trent: Oh, wait, please! Please, let me just compare color to that of your own please!

(Scream)

trent: (to Wife) I thought you were returning home? I've had no luck.  
gwen: You've the cow!  
trent: Yes, I've the cow! I have only two of the four!  
gwen: Three. compare this to your corn.

trent: Where did you find it!  
gwen: Oh, I pulled it from a maiden in a tour.  
trent: Three!  
gwen: Yes! Oh! And I almost had the fourth, but she got away.

trent: We have an entire day left! Surely we can find the slipper by then!

gwen: We? You mean, you'll allow me to stay?  
trent: Perhaps it will take the two of us to get this child.

IT TAKES TWO

gwen: You've changed. You're daring. You're different in the woods.  
More sure. More sharing.  
You're getting us through the woods.

If you could see-  
You're not the man who started, And much more open-hearted Than I knew you to be.

trent: It takes two.  
I thought one was enough,  
It's not true:  
It takes two of us.  
You came through  
When the journey was rough.  
It took you.  
It took two of us.  
It takes care,  
It takes patience and fear and despair To change.  
Though you swear to change,  
Who can tell if you do?  
It takes two.

gwen: You've changed. You're thriving.  
There's something about the woods.

Not just surviving,  
You're blossoming in the woods.  
At home I'd fear  
We'd stay the same forever.  
And then out here  
You're passionate, charming, considerate, clever-

trent: It takes one  
To begin, but then once you've begun, It takes two of you.  
It's no fun,  
But what needs to be done  
You can do  
When there's two of you.  
If I dare,  
It's because I'm becoming aware of us As a pair of us,  
Each accepting a share  
Of what's there.

BOTH: We've changed.  
We're strangers.  
I'm meeting you in the woods.  
Who minds  
What dangers?  
I know we'll get past the woods.  
And once we're past,  
Let's home the changes last  
Beyond woods,  
Beyond witches and slippers and hoods, Just the two of us-  
Beyond lies,  
Safe at home with our beautiful prize,  
Just the few of us.  
It takes trust.  
It takes just a bit more and we're done.  
We want four, we had none. We've got three. We need one.  
It takes two.

owen: Stop that hen! Please! Oh, stop the hen! Oh, providence! My Milky-White! And the owners and my hen!

trent: OH! Oh! Look what this hen just dropped in my hands! (Holds up a golden egg).

gwen: A golden egg!

trent: Yes!  
Gwen: Oh, I've never seen a golden egg.  
owen: You see. I promised you more than the five gold pieces I gave you sir.

gwen: Five gold pieces?  
owen: Now, I'm taking my cow:  
gwen: Five gold pieces?  
trent: I never said I would sell!  
owen: You took the five gold pieces!  
gwen: You took five gold pieces?  
trent: No, I did not take. you gave!  
gwen: Where are the five gold pieces?  
trent: There was this mysterious old man...  
owen: You said...  
ALL Three: (Talking at once).  
cody: Moooo! ( cody falls over dead).  
owen: Oh, Milky White... is dead!  
gwen trent: Two!

heather: Two midnights gone!  
courtney: Wanting a ball is not wanting a Prince...

duncan: Near may be better than far, But it still isn't there...

tyler (echo): Near may be better than far, But it still isn't there...

courtney: The ball...

duncan: So near...

tyler: So far...

eva: You can never love somebody else's child-

katie, sadie: Two midnights gone!

eva: -the way you love-

duncan: So near...

eva: -your own.

courtney: The Prince...

tyler: so far...

leshawna: The greatest prize can often lie At the end of the thorniest path...

ALL: Two midnights gone! Two midnights gone!


	8. Chapter 8

chris: Two midnights gone! And the exhausted Baker and his wife had buried the dead Milky White.

trent: Go, go. You must go to the village in search of another cow. (To wife).  
gwen: And what do you propose I use to purchase this cow?  
trent: Here, (holds up the last bean) Tell them it's magic!  
gwen: No person with a brain larger than this is going to exchange a cow for a bean.

trent: Then steal it!

gwen: Oh, steal it! Just two days ago your were accusing me of exercising deceit in securing the cow!

trent: Then don't steal it and resign yourself to a childless life!

gwen: Alright. I feel it best that you go for the cow as I have met a maiden with a golden slipper these past previous eves and I think I might succeed in winning one of her shoes.

trent: Fine.  
gwen: Fine.  
trent: Fine! That is simply fine!

gwen: Just fine!

lindsay: (screaming) Noooooo!

Heather: What did I clearly say? Children must listen.

Lindsay: No, no, please!

Heather: What were you not to do?

Children must see-

Lindsay: No!

heather: And learn.  
Why could you not obey? Children should listen.  
What have I been to you? What would you have me be? Handsome like a Prince? Ah, but I am old.  
I am ugly.  
I embarrass you.

Lindsay: No.

heather: You are ashamed of me.

Lindsay: No!

Heather: You are ashamed. You don't understand.

Lindsay: It was lonely atop that tower.

Heather: I was not company enough?

Lindsay: I am no longer a child; I wish to see the world!

Heather: Don't you know what's out there in the world? Someone has to shield you from the world.  
Stay with me.  
Princes wait there in the world, it's true.

Princes, yes, but wolves and humans, too. Stay at home.  
I am home.  
Who out there could love you more than I? What out there that I cannot supply?

Stay with me.  
Stay with me,  
The world is dark and wild.  
Stay a child, while you can be a child. With me.

WITCH: I gave you protection. And yet, you disobeyed me.

Lindsay: Oh, no. No. No.

heather: Why? Why didn't you tell me you had a visitor!? I will not share you! I will show you a world you've never seen! (She uses magic to remove lindsay's extensions).

lindsay: (Screams) No! Ahhhhhhhhh! (they exit).

chris: When is a white cow not a white cow?

trent: I don't know! Leave me alone!

chris: Haven't I left you alone long enough?

trent: Your questions make no sense old man. Go away!

chris: In need of another cow? (Holds up the five gold pieces -tosses them to trent) (They exit).

(izzy enters - wearing a Wolf cape).

owen: What a beautiful cape!

izzy: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Stay away from my cape! Or I'll slice you into a thousand bits!

owen: I don't want it. I was just admiring it.

izzy: My Granny made it from a Wolf that attacked us. And I got to skin the animal. And best of ALL, she gave me this beautiful knife for protection.

owen: Well, look what I have. A hen that lays golden eggs.  
izzy: I don't believe that egg came from that hen. Where did you get

that egg?

owen: I stole this from the kingdom of the Giant, up there. And if you think this is something, you should see the golden harp that the Giant has, It plays the most beautiful tunes, without your even having to touch it.

izzy: Ha, ha, ha. Of course it does. Why don't you go up to the kingdom right now and bring it back and show me.

owen: I could.

izzy: You could not!  
owen: I could!  
izzy: You could not! Mister liar! (she exits).

owen: I am not a liar! I'll get that harp! You'll see!

NARRATOR: Now, having cast out Rapunzel to a remote desert, the Witch returned to take the Prince by surprise and as he lept from the tower, the thorns from which he fell pierced his eyes and blinded him. (tyler falls off the stage)

tyler: No!  
chris: As for Cinderella...she returned from her final visit from the Festival.

courtney: He's a very smart Prince. He's a Prince who prepares.  
Knowing this time I'd run from him,  
He spread pitch on the stairs.

I was caught unawares.  
And I thought, well, he cares.  
This is more than just malice.  
Better stop and take stock while you're standing here stuck On the steps of the palace.

You think, What do you want? You think, Make a decision!

Why not stay and be caught?  
You think, Well, it's a thought..  
What would be his response?  
But then what if he knew who you were,  
When you know that you're not what he thinks that he wants? And then, what if you are

What a Prince would envision?  
Although how can you know who you are,  
Till you know what you want, which you don't, So then which do you pick:  
Where you're safe out of sight,  
And yourself, but where everything's wrong, Or where everything's right,  
And you know that you'll never belong?  
And whichever you pick, do it quick,  
'Cause you're starting to stick  
To the steps of the palace!

It's your first big decision..  
The choice isn't easy to make.  
To arrive at a Ball is exciting, and all,  
Once you're there, though, it's scary.  
And it's fun to deceive when you know you can leave,  
But you have to be wary.  
There's a lot that's at stake, but you've stalled long enough, 'Cause you're still standing stuck on the stuff on the steps.. Better run along home!  
And avoid the collision.  
Even though they don't care, you'd be better off there, Where there's nothing to choose, so there's nothing to lose, So you pry up your shoes...

And from out of the blue,  
And without any guide,  
You know what your decision is..  
Which is not to decide.  
You just leave him a clue.  
For example: a shoe.  
And then see what HE'LL do.  
Now it's he and not you who is stuck with a shoe In a stew..  
In the goo..  
And you've learned something too,  
Something you never knew,  
On the steps of the Palace!

gwen: Oh!  
courtney: Oh, no, no, no. Don't come any closer to me.

gwen: Oh, wait please just hear me out.  
Courtney: We have nothing to discuss. You have attacked me once before!

gwen: I did not attack you! I attacked your shoe! I need it! Here. Here is a magic bean in exchange for it!

courtney: Magic Bean?

gwen: Uh hum.

Courtney: Oh. (gwen gives it to her). Nonsense. (She tosses it into the air).

gwen: Oh, don't do that.

Courtney: I have already given up one shoe this evening, my feet cannot bare to give up another. (She begins to exit).

gwen: No! Oh no! Please! Please! I need that shoe to have a child!

Courtney: Well, that makes no sense.  
gwen: Well, does it make sense that your running from a prince!?

geoff: Stoooooooop!

courtney: Oh! (she starts to leave).

gwen: No, no, no Miss! Here, take my shoes, you'll run faster! ( She gives courtney her shoes as Courtney gives her the slipper and she exits).

geoff: Who was that woman!?  
gwen: I do not know sir.  
geoff: Lying will cost you your life!

gwen: I swear I've done nothing.

trent: I've the cow!

gwen: Here's the slipper! We've all four!

geoff: (taking the slipper from her). I will take this to the prince! And tomorrow we will search the Kingdom for the hot babe who'll fit this shoe.

gwen: Oh, listen please, I need that!

chris: Give her the slipper! And all will come to a happy end! (gwen and the geoff struggle).

(A huge crashing sound is heard, all fall to the ground from the impact).

duncan: What was that noise?

geoff: That was just a bolt of lightning in a far off Kingdom.

duncan: How dare you go off in search without me!

geoff: My apologies sir, I thought I might...

duncan: Enough! Of what you thought! I employed a ruse and had the entire staircase smeared with pitch. And there when she ran down, remained the maiden's slipper.

geoff: Brilliant, bro!  
duncan: I thought so. Though it did create quit a mess when the other

guests left.  
geoff: And I have succeeded in obtaining the other slipper!

chris: Oh, give them the slipper and all will come to a happy end!

Geoff: Who are you old man?

chris: When first I appear I seem deleterious...  
geoff: Shut up!

duncan: Do as he says, he's obviously a spirit of some sort and besides we only need one.

geoff: Yes sir. (He hands the gwen the slipper).

blaineley: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! There's a dead Giant in my backyard! I heard Jack coming down the beanstalk calling for his axe! When he reached the bottom, he took it ad began hacking down the stalk! Suddenly with a crash the beanstalk fell but there was no Jack. For all I know he's been crushed by the ogre. (She beings to cry).

duncan: Worrying will do you no good. If he's safe then he's safe. If he's been crushed, well then there's nothing any of us can do about that now is there?...We must be off! I need my rest before tomorrow's search is to commence.

blaineley: Doesn't anyone care! A Giant has fallen from the sky!

heather: The third midnight is near! I see a cow! I see a slipper!  
trent: The cape as red as blood!

gwen: Hair as yellow as corn!  
heather: You've all the objects?!  
gwen and trent: Yes!  
heather: ...That cow doesn't look as white as milk to me.  
gwen: Yes she is. (gwen pats the cow with a cloud dust).

heather: That cow's been covered in flour!

trent: No, no, no, we had a cow as white as milk! We did but...

heather: Then where is she?!  
gwen: She's dead.

trent: We thought you'd prefer a live one so I...

heather: Of course I prefer a live one! So bring me the dead one and I'll bring it back to life!

trent: You can do that?!

heather: (Sarcastically). Noooo!

blaineley: There you are. I've been worried sick!

owen: Mother look, the most beautiful harp. (sierra blushes)

owen: You've stolen too much. You could have been killed coming down that plant!

trent: She's too heavy!  
owen: What's happening mother?  
(With a puff of smoke, the Witch brings the cow back to life cody jumps up).

owen: Milky White! Now I have two friends! A cow and a harp!

heather: Quiet! Feed the objects to the cow!  
ALL: What!  
heather: You heard me, feed them to the cow!  
(trent feeds the props to cody who is trying not to barf).

heather: Hands a golden drinking goblet to the gwen). Fill this!

owen: I'll do it. She'll only milk for me.  
trent: Quickly.  
gwen: Please hurry.

owen: Squeeze pal. (owen milks cody's fake udders but to no avail).

heather: Wrong ingredients! Forget about a child! (begins to exit).

gwen: No! You wait. We followed your instructions! That cow was as white as milk!

heather: Yes!

gwen: That cape was as red as blood!

heather: Yes!

gwen: And the slipper as pure as gold!

heather: Yes!

trent: And I compared the hair to this ear of corn!

gwen: I pulled that hair from a maiden in a tower!

heather: You what!? What were you doing there!?

gwen: Nothing I swear, just passing by!

heather: I touched that hair! Don't you understand! I cannot have touched the ingredients!

chris: Corn! The corn! The corn silky hair of the corn. Pull the hair from the corn and feed to the cow quickly!

trent: Quickly do it hurry.  
heather: This had better work old man before the last stroke of midnight! Or your son will be

the last of your flesh and blood!

trent: Son!?  
chris: Please, not now.

heather: Yes! Meet your Father.

gwen: Father! How could that be you? I thought you died in a baking accident!

chris: I did not mean to run away from you son but I...

gwen: It's working!  
owen: She's milking!

trent: I don't understand!  
chris: No, not now! (Mumbling he collapses).  
trent: Wait Father! She's Milking!?  
gwen: Yes!  
trent: It's working!  
gwen: Yes! Yes!  
trent: We did it! We did it!  
(owen hands heather the goblet of milk and she drinks it. She begins to choke and convulse).

trent: Father!  
chris: Son, all is repaired! (He falls over motionless).  
trent: Father! Father! He's dead!  
(heather turns into her beautiful self wearing a skimpy dress. she even has her long hair back)


	9. Chapter 9

NARRATOR: And so the mysterious old man died. Having helped end the curse on his house. For the Baker there would be no reunion with his father and he and his wife bewildered returned home.  
The Witch having been punished with age and ugliness that fateful night when the beans were stolen and the lightning flashed, was now returned to her former state of youth and beauty.

Milky-White, after a night of severe indigestion, was reunited with a now wealthy Jack.

As for the Prince...He began his search for the foot to fit the golden slipper. Now when he reached Cinderella's house, Cinderella's Step-Mother took the slipper into Florinda's room.

(eva tries to put it on katie's foot).

katie: careful, my toe!

eva: darling, i know!

katie: what'll we do?!

eva: (wields a knife) it'll have to go, but when you're his bride you can sit or ride. you'll never need to walk!

(saws off katie's real toe. chris barfs)

katie: no no no no NOOOOOOO!

chris: the girl obeyed and swallowed her pain. (katie limps over to duncan. eva smiles for once, satiating her anger at chris) and joined the prince on his horse riding off to become his bride.

(katie and duncan are riding ace the donkey and encounter the ghost (leshawna)

leshawna: look at the blood within the shoe. this one is not the bride that's true. search for the foot that fits! (katie starts to cry as duncan gives her to eva. now it's sadie's turn)

chris: the prince returned the false bride and asked Lucinda to try on the shoe.

Sadie (struggling with the shoe): why won't it fit!?

eva: darling be still. cut off a bit of the heel and it will. but when you're his wife you'll have such a life. you'll never need to walk! (saws off sadie's heel)

sadie: no no no aah aah aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

chris: The girl obeyed and swallowed her pain. But as she was helped on the back of

the horse by the Prince, he noticed the blood trickling from the shoe.

duncan: Have you no other daughter?

chris: To which the woman replied.

eva: No. Only a little stunted kitchen wench. Which his late wife left behind. But she's much to dirt, she cannot show herself...

duncan: I insist!  
chris: And when Cinderella presented herself and tried on the blood soaked slipper, it fit like a glove.

katie sadie: Ahhhh!  
duncan: This is the true bride!

noah: I always wanted a son.

chris: And much to the dismay of the Step-Mother and her daughters, the Prince took CINDERELLA on his horse and rode off.

leshawna: no blood at ALL within the shoe. This is the proper bride for you. Fit to attend a prince.

chris: And finally, as for Rapunzel...she bore twins and had been impoverished in the desert. Until the day her Prince wondering aimlessly heard that voice so familiar that he went towards it. As he approached, Rapunzel overjoyed at seeing him, fell into his arms weeping. Two of her tears went into his eyes and the touch restored his vision.

heather: I was going to come fetch you just as soon as you learned your lesson.

lindsay: Who are you?  
heather: Surely you remember. ( she hunches over and gnarls her face).

Lindsay: heather!?

heather: This is who I truly am! Come with me child! We can be happy as we once were!

tyler: She will not go with you.  
heather: Let her speak for herself!  
(lindsay shakes her head no and goes to tyler).

heather: You are the only family that I know. Come with me. Please. (lindsay shakes her head no).

heather: You give me no choice! (She raises her staff and blasts a spell on them, nothing happens. She winds up like a pitcher for a bigger spell. Nothing happens. lindsay and tyler leave).

chris: As is often the way in these tales...in exchange for her youth and beauty, the Witch lost her powers.

(heather upset, snaps her staff across her knee and exits crying trying to put it back together).

chris: When the wedding with the Prince was celebrated, Lucinda and Florinda attended hoping to win favor with Cinderella and share in her good fortune. But as the sisters stood by the blessed couple, pigeons swooped down upon them poked out their eyes and blinded them.

katie & sadie: Ahhhhhh! (all exit)  
gwen: (Now looking pregnant. To Courtney). I see your Prince has found you.

Courtney: Yes.  
gwen: Thank you for the slipper.

Courtney: I didn't think I'd wed a Prince.

duncan: I didn't think I'd ever find you.

Courtney, duncan, gwen, trent: I didn't think I could be so happy!...

chris: And it came to pass, all that seemed wrong was now right, the kingdoms were filled with joy, and those who deserved to were certain to live a  
long and happy life. Ever after...

COMPANY: Ever after!

chris: Journey over, all is mended, And it's not just for today,  
But tomorrow, and extended  
Ever after!

COMPANY: Ever after!

chris: All the curses have been ended, The reverses wiped away.  
All is tenderness and laughter  
For forever after!

COMPANY: Happy now and happy hence And happy ever after!

chris: There were dangers-

COMPANY: We were frightened-

chris: And confusions-  
COMPANY: But we hid it-  
chris: And the paths would often swerve.

COMPANY: We did not.

chris: There were constant-

COMPANY: It's amazing-  
chris: Disillusions-  
COMPANY: That we did it.  
chris: But they never lost their nerve.

COMPANY: Not a lot.

MEN: And we reached the right conclusions.

WOMEN: And we got what we deserve!

COMPANY: Not a sigh and not a sorrow, Tenderness and laughter.  
Joy today and bliss tomorrow,  
And forever after!

katie: I was greedy.

sadie: I was vain.

katie: I was haughty.

sadie: I was smug.

BOTH: We were happy.

sadie: It was fun.

katie: But we were blind.

BOTH: Then we went into the woods To get our wish  
And now we're really blind.

heather (Over): I was perfect. I had everything but beauty.  
I had power,  
And a daughter like a flower, In a tower.

Then I went into the woods to get my wish And now I'm ordinary.  
Lost my power, and my flower.

katie, sadie: We're unworthy.

katie, sadie, heather: We're (I'm) unhappy now, unhappy hence, As well as ever after.  
Had we used our common sense, been worthy of our discontents... (heather shoves katie and sadie)

COMPANY: To be happy, and forever, You must see your wish come true. Don't be careful, don't be clever.  
When you see your wish, pursue.

It's a dangerous endeavor,  
But the only thing to do-  
(in three groups: round)  
Though it's fearful,  
Though it's deep, though it's dark, And though you may lose the path, Though you may encounter wolves, You mustn't stop,

You mustn't swerve,  
You mustn't ponder,  
You have to act!  
When you know your wish, If you want your wish, You can have your wish, But you can't just wish- No, to get your wish (unison)

You go into the woods, Where nothing's clear, Where Witches, ghosts And wolves appear. Into the woods

And through the fear,  
You have to take the journey. Into the woods  
And down the dell,  
In vain perhaps,  
But who can tell?

MEN: Into the woods to lift the spell,

WOMEN: Into the woods to lose the longing.

MEN: Into the woods to have the child,

WOMEN: To wed the Prince,  
MEN: To get the money,  
WOMEN: To save the house,

MEN: To kill the Wolf,

WOMEN: To find the father,

MEN: To conquer the kingdom,

COMPANY: To have, to wed, To get, to save,  
To kill, to keep,  
To go to the Festival!

Into the woods,  
Into the woods,  
Into the woods,  
Then out of the woods-

(Another Giant beanstalk begins to grown into the heavens).chris: To be continued...  
ALL: -And happy ever after!


	10. Chapter 10

chris: Once upon a time- -later-

Courtney(in royal robes on a throne): I wish..  
chris: -in that same far-off kingdom-

courtney: More than anything..  
chris: -lived a young Princess-

Courtney: More than life..  
chris: -the lad Jack-  
Courtney: More than footmen..  
owen (his "house has been transformed into a mansion, he and blaineley are spruced up": I wish..  
chris: -and the Baker with his family-  
Babydoll: Waaah!  
owen: No, I miss..  
courtney, trent: I wish..  
Babydoll: Waaah!  
owen: More than anything..  
courtney, trent, owen: More than the moon..

gwen: (to baby doll) There, there..

Coutney: I wish to sponsor a Festival.  
Babydoll: Waaah!  
trent: More than life..

owen: I miss..

Courtney: The time has come for a Festival..

Babydoll: Waaah!

gwen: Shh..

trent (Over): More than riches..

Courtney: And a Ball...

owen: I miss my kingdom up in the sky.

courtney, trent: More than anything..

gwen: I wish we had more room..

owen: Play, harp..

SIERRA: EEEEEEEEEK!

trent: Another room..

chris: But despite some minor inconveniences, they were all quite content..

courtney: I never thought I'd wed a Prince..

duncan: I never thought I'd find perfection..

BOTH: I never thought I could be so happy!

courtney: Not an unhappy moment since..

owen, blaineley: I didn't think we'd be this rich..

duncan: Not a conceivable objection..

gwen, trent: I never thought we'd have a baby..

courtney, duncan, owen, blaineley: I never thought I could be so happy!

gwen, trent (Over): I'm so happy!

eva: Happy now, Happy hence,  
Happy ever after-

katie, sadie( with sunglasses in wheelchairs): We're so happy you're so happy! Just as long as you stay happy,we'll stay happy!

courtney, duncan: Not one row..

blaineley: Pots of pence..  
owen: With my cow..  
trent, gwen: Little gurgles..

Courtney: Darling, I must go now..

blaineley: We should really sell it.

trent: Where's the cheesecloth?  
ALL Others: Wishes may bring problems,

Such that you regret them.

ALL: Better that, though, Than to never get them..

courtney: I'm going to be a perfect wife!

owen (Over): I'm going to be a perfect son!

Gwen, blaineley: I'm going to be a perfect mother!

trent: I'm going to be a perfect father! I'm so happy!

courtney, owen, gwen, blaineley: I'm going to see that he (she) Is so happy!

ALL: I never thought I'd love my life! I would have settled for another!

courtney: Then to become a wife..

owen, blaineley: Then to be set for life..

gwen, trent: Then to beget a child..

ALL: That fortune smiled.. I'm so happy.

gwen: Oh, if only this cottage were a little larger.

trent: I will expand our quarters in due time.

gwen: Why expand, when we could simply move to another cottage.

trent: No, we will not move this was my father's house. And now it will be my sons.

gwen: And you would raise your child alongside a Witch?

trent: Why does he always cry when I hold him?

gwen: Baby's cry, he's fine. You know you needn't hold him as if he were so fragile.

trent: No, no. He wants his mother.

gwen: No please, Oh no! I cannot take care of him all of the time!

trent: I will care of him...when he is older.

gwen: We had to go through thick and thin.

katie, sadie: We had to lose a lot to win.

courtney: I ventured out and saw within.

ALL: I never thought I'd be so much I hadn't been! I'm so hap-

(Big explosion. All fall to the floor. There is damage).

gwen: Oh. Oh, my goodness.  
trent: Are you alright?  
gwen: Yes. Yes, I think so.

trent: And the baby? Is the baby alright!?  
(heather enters, still looking like a model).  
trent: You! Have you done this to our house.

heather: Always thinking of yourself. Look at my garden.

gwen: What of your garden?

heather: Loooook!  
trent: Destroyed.  
gwen: What has happened?

heather: I was thrown to the ground I saw nothing.  
gwen: What could do such a thing!  
trent: An earthquake?  
Heather: No. Earthquake! My garden has been trampled! Those are foot prints!

gwen: Who could do such a thing?

Heather: Anything that leaves a footprint that large is no 'who.'

trent: Do you think it was a bear?

Heather: A bear? Bears are sweet.  
Besides, you ever see a bear with forty-foot feet?

gwen: Dragon?  
Heather: No scorch marks-usually they're linked.

trent: Manticore?  
Heather: Imaginary.  
gwen: Griffin?  
heather: Extinct.  
both: Giant?  
Heather: Possible. Very, very possible..  
trent: A Giant.  
gwen: Maybe we should tell someone.

heather: Who you gonna tell?

trent: The Royal Family of course.

Heather: The Royal Family!? I wouldn't count on them to snuff out a rat! With a Giant, we'll ALL have to go to battle! A Giant's the worst! A Giant has a brain. Hard to outwit! A Giant! A Giant's just like us! Only bigger...much...much bigger!...sooo big...that we are just an expendable bug beneath its foot. Boom! Crunch! ( She stomps on the ground and twists her foot on the imaginary "bug". She then pretends to scrape it off of her foot and eat it. With a wild look in her eye, she exits).

gwen: We are moving.

chris: And so the Baker proceeded to the castle. But not before visiting Jack and his Mother.

owen: Look cody, it's the butcher!  
trent: The Baker.  
owen: The Baker.  
blaineley: What can we do for you sir?  
trent: I've come here to investigate the destruction that was wrought upon our house today.

blaineley: Jack has been home with me all day!

chris: The Baker told Jack and his Mother that he feared there was a Giant in the land.

owen: I can recognize a Giant's footsteps, I could go to your house and...  
blaineley: You'll do no such thing!  
trent: Any help at all that your son...

blaineley: I'm sorry, but you'll get no help from us! No one cared when there was a Giant in our backyard! I don't remember you volunteering to come to my aide.

trent: A Giant in your backyard is one thing. A crushed home is quit another!  
blaineley: Look young man, Giants never strike the same house twice. I wouldn't worry.

trent: I am taking the news to the castle none the less.

chris: And when the Baker arrived at the castle, it was the Princess who greeted his news. The story unfolds...

geoff: Excuse me dudette, this small man insists on seeing you:

trent: Oh Princess! I am here to report the appearance of a Giant in the land! (katie and sadie shriek, eva rolls her eyes)

courtney: Where did you see a Giant!?  
trent: I didn't exactly see it.

geoff: Then how do you know there is a Giant in the land?

trent: Because our house was destroyed. And there are footprints...

geoff: That could have been caused by any number of things. I will show you to the door.

trent: Oh, no, no, no, no. Another household was visited by a Giant not long ago descending from a beanstalk.

courtney: Oh yes, I remember!

geoff: That Giant was slain now come along.

trent: No, no, no, no! Wait, please wait. (to courtney) we have a young child. Princess please. Our child was very difficult to come by. And his safety is of great importance to me.

geoff: Are we entirely through now?

trent: Yes.

courtney: I will take this news up with the Prince when he returns.

trent: Thank you!

courtney: Thank you.

blaineley: I'm going off to market Jack, to sell this hoe (sierra glares) i mean harp.

owen: Goodbye Mother.

blaineley: Now, I want you to stay inside.

owen: I Haven't been outside all day!

blaineley: Jack, listen to me. I don't want you out when there might be a Giant on the loose.

owen: Mother, I know how to kill a Giant.

blaineley: Please! We've had our fill of Giants!

owen: But mother!

blaineley: Enough! Promise me son, you won't leave your surroundings.

owen: But Mother, I'm a man now...

blaineley: You're still a little boy in your mother's eyes. I want you to promise. Promise!

owen: Oh, alright! I promise!

izzy: what happened to your house?

gwen: Uh, we...had a baking accident.

trent: (to gwen) a baking accident?  
gwen: well, there's no use frightening the young thing.

trent: You can't frighten her.  
izzy: Well. I guess Granny will have to do without the bread and sweets. Besides i have ALL I can carry.

gwen: My goodness, why such a load?

izzy: Oh. Well, I'm moving in with Granny. We had an accident too. I came home to find our house collapsed, as if...a big wind blew it in. I couldn't find my mother anywhere.

gwen: Oh no.

izzy: So, I salvaged what I could and now I'm off.

(Birds/interns)

courtney: Oh good friends...what news have you?

(Birds/interns)

courtney: What of mother's grave?

(Birds/interns)

courtney: What kind of trouble!?

(Birds/interns)

courtney: No, I can't investigate...a Princess is not supposed to go into the woods unescorted.

(Birds/interns)  
courtney: Good idea! I will disguise myself and go to see what's wrong!

(Birds/interns)

courtney: Oh. Thank you birds.  
gwen: We'll take you to Granny's

trent: What!?

gwen: We're not going to let her go alone.

trent: Alright, alright, I will take you.

izzy: I Don't need anyone to take me. I've gone many times before.

trent: Not when such...winds have been blowing.

gwen: That's right. We'll all take you.

trent: No.

gwen: I'm not about to stay her with the baby when a...wind might return to this house too.

owen: I know Mother made me promise, but I'm going to find that Giant anyway!

trent: Into the woods,  
It's always when  
You think at last you're through, and then Into the woods you go again  
To take another journey.

gwen: Into the woods,  
The weather's clear,  
We've been before, we've naught to fear.. Into the woods, away from here-

owen: Into the woods, to find a Giant-!  
izzy: Into the woods to Grandmother's house..

trent: Into the woods, The path is straight,  
No reason, then, to hesitate-

gwen: Into the woods, It's not so late,  
It's just another journey..

courtney: Into the woods, But not too long:  
The skies are strange,  
The winds are strong.

Into the woods to see what's wrong..

owen: Into the woods to slay the Giant!

gwen: Into the woods to shield the child..

izzy: To flee the winds..

trent: To find a future..  
gwen: To shield..  
owen: To slay..  
izzy: To flee..  
trent: To find..  
courtney: To fix..  
gwen: To hide..  
izzy: To move..  
owen: To battle..  
courtney: To see what the trouble is...


	11. Chapter 11

lindsay: (screaming)  
Heather: LINDSAYIT! What are you doing here? What's the matter?

lindsay: Oh, nothing. You just locked me in a tower without company for fourteen years. Then blinded my prince. And banished me to a desert where I had little to eat. And again no company. And then!...bore twins! Because of the way you treated me...I'll never, never be... happy!

heather: I was just trying to be a good mother. Stay with me! There's a Giant running about!

tyler: Brother, what a surprise.

duncan: Brother! How good to see you.

tyler: Uh, what brings you to the wood today?

duncan: I am investigating news of a Giant.

tyler: You!

duncan: Yes.

tyler: Investigating news of a Giant? Father would not even do that. That's business for a steward or less.

duncan: Well, what brings you into the wood?

tyler: My Rapunzel has run off!

duncan: Run off?

tyler: Oh, she's a changed woman...subject to hysterical fits of crying. Moods that no soul could predict and I know not what to do.

duncan: What a pity.  
tyler: And...Cinderella?  
duncan: She...remains well.  
tyler: Does she. Now brother do tell me what your really doing here.

Agony: Reprise

duncan: High in a tower- Like yours was, but higher-  
A beauty asleep.  
ALL 'round the tower,

A thicket of briar  
A hundred feet deep.  
Agony! No frustration more keen, When the one thing you want  
Is a thing that you've not even seen.

tyler: I've found a casket Entirely of glass-  
No, it's unbreakable.  
Inside-don't ask it-

A maiden, alas,  
Just as unwakeable-

BOTH: What unmistakable agony! Is the way always barred?

tyler: She has skin white as snow-

duncan: Did you learn her name?

tyler: No, there's a dwarf standing guard.

BOTH: Agony! Such that princes must weep! Always in thrall most  
To anything almost,  
Or something asleep.

duncan: If it were not for the thicket-

tyler: A thicket's no trick. Is it thick?

duncan: It's the thickest.  
tyler: The quickest is pick it apart with a stick-

duncan: Yes, but even one prick- It's my thing about blood.  
tyler: Well, it's sick!  
duncan: It's no sicker than your thing with dwarves.

tyler: Dwarves.  
duncan: Dwarves...  
tyler: Dwarves are very upsetting.

BOTH: Not forgetting the tasks unachievable, Mountains unscalable-  
If it's conceivable  
But unavailable, Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-

Agony!  
duncan: Misery!  
tyler: Woe!  
BOTH: Not to know what you miss.  
duncan: While they lie there for years-

tyler: And you cry on their biers-

BOTH: What unbearable bliss!

Agony, that can cut like a knife!  
Ah well, back to my wife...  
lindsay: (Scream)  
tyler: Rapunzel. I must be off. God speed to you brother.

duncan: God speed.

trent: Are you certain this is the right direction?

izzy: We went down the dell.

gwen: Perhaps you forgot the way.

izzy: The path is straight.

trent: It was straight. No look, there is no path.

izzy: Where's the stream? Where's the lily pond? Where's Granny!?

gwen: Alright calm down. Just calm down. Maybe we should turn back.

izzy: No.

trent: No, no, no, no. We'll just have to find Granny's without the path.

izzy: But Mother warned me never to stray from the path.

trent: The path has strayed from you.

izzy: Oh, wait. That looks familiar. You see in the distance, three oak trees.

trent: Yes, I recognize that.  
gwen: Who might that be?  
trent: That's the Steward and the Royal Family. What brings you into the woods?

noah: The castle, the castle has been set upon by a Giant!

gwen: No!

trent: I warned you! Why didn't you do something?

geoff: dude, I don't make policy, I just carry it out.

heather: And I warned you that you can't count on the Royal Family to solve your problems.

gwen: Alright, I think it best that we return to the village right now.

heather: I wouldn't be in such a rush if I were you. Guess which path the Giant took to the castle.

trent: What do you mean?  
heather: All that's left of my garden is a sack of beans! And there's not much left of your house either!

trent: No, I was told, Giants rarely strike the same house twice.

eva: Shhhh, listen.

(GIANT footsteps getting closer to them, some are knocked to the ground from the tremendous force)

Heather: The Giant's a woman!

trent: Look at that size!

leshawna (voice amplified): Where's the lad who killed my husband!

geoff: There is no lad here!

trent: We haven't seen him!

leshawna: I want the lad who climbed the beanstalk!

Heather: We'll get him for you right away! Don't move!

izzy: It was you who destroyed our house. not a great wind! And it's because of you I have no mother!

leshawna: And who destroyed my house! That boy asked for shelter, then he stole our gold our hen and our harp! And he killed my husband! I must avenge the wrong doing!

gwen: We are not responsible for him!

heather: (to gwen) Your wasting your breath.

geoff: She's right! You can't reason with a dumb Giant, bros.

leshawna: So! Not all Giants are dumb! Now give me the boy!  
izzy: We told you, he's not here!

noah: The girl is telling the truth!

leshawna: I know he's there! And I'm going to wait right here until he's delivered to me!

chris: Now, the Giant, who was near sighted and had lost her glasses, remained convinced that she had found the lad and there was no consensus among them, which action to take.

gwen: Put a spell on her.  
Heather: I no longer have my powers! If I did, do you think I'd be standing here with all of you!? Now, we'll have to give her someone.

ALL: Who!?

heather: The Steward! It's in his line of duty to sacrifice his life.

geoff: Don't be ridiculous, I'm not giving up my life for anyone!(except bridgey-boo)

leshawna: Well! I'm waiting, Ya'll!

chris: Now you must understand, these were people who were not familiar with making choices. There experience in the woods in no way prepared them for a force this great.

Heather: Psst. Psst! Excuse me! Would you like a blind girl instead? katie and sadie: Noooooooo!  
eva: How dare you!  
Heather: Put them out of their misery!

katie and sadie: We're not that miserable.  
trent: What are you talking about.  
gwen: She doesn't want a woman.

Heather: Fine! Fine! What do you suggest we do!

leshawna: I'm still waiting!

chris: It's interesting to examine the morale issue involved here. Now the finality of stories such as these dictates ...what? (notices everyone looking at him) No, no, no! Sorry. I tell the story, I'm not part of it.

izzy (wielding her dagger): That's right.

Heather: Not one of us!

trent: He's from the outside!

chris: That's my job! Don't you understand, there must always be someone on the outside!

geoff: Well you're going to be in the inside now!

chris: You're making a big mistake!  
eva: Nonsense!  
chris: There must always be an outside observer to pass the story along!

heather( filing her nails): Some of us don't like the way you've been telling it.

chris: You drag me into this, you'll never know how the story turns out! You'll be lost.

trent: He's right! He's the only one who knows the story.

chris: You think this will be fun telling it yourselves. (gwen) Now think of your child!

gwen: Yes! Yes, he's right. Leave him alone. (to izzy) You put that away young lady.

chris: You don't want to live in a world of chaos.  
Heather: (Grabbing chris and tossing him to leshawna) Here's the lad!

chris: No! I'm not the lad!  
leshawna: This is not the lad!  
trent: Don't drop...  
chris: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!(i didn't think i'd die!)  
gwen: Oh my.  
trent: Why. Why did you push him into her arms!?  
Heather: You wanted to get rid of him too!

gwen: Well we might have thought of something else.

Heather: If it were up to you, a decision would never be made!

izzy: Now that he's gone, we'll never know what happens next!

gwen: Don't say that, we'll manage, we'll...

leshawna: Oh! Must I search among for the lad!?

ALL: No!

blaineley: He's just a boy! We had no food to eat! And he sold his beloved cow in exchange for magic beans. If anyone is to be punished, it's the man who made that exchange!

leshawna: But he was your responsibility! Now I must punish him for his wrongs!  
blaineley: We've suffered too!  
eva: Shhh!  
blaineley: Do you think it was a picnic disposing of your husband remains?

leshawna: Ahhh! Oh, you are getting me angry!

blaineley: What about our anger!? What about our loss!? Who has been flouncing through our kingdom!?

leshawna: Ahhh!

blaineley: I've hidden my son! And you'll never find him!

trent: Don't upset the Giant!

blaineley: You'll never, never find him!

leshawna: I'm warning you, white girl!

blaineley: If you don't go back this instant, we'll get you for all that you've done! We'll...

(The geoff hits blaineley atop the head with his staff).

leshawna: Ahhhh! Where is your son!  
lindsay: (Screams)  
leshawna: Oh! Is that him!?

heather: No! No, no, this is not the boy!

geoff: The boy is hiding in the steeple tower!

leshawna: Well, if he is not, I will return and find you! (She begins to walk away)

tyler: Rapunzel, come.

geoff: Sir.

(lindsay runs off in the same direction as the leshawna)

tyler: No, no wait!

Heather: lindsayit!

tyler: (to leshawna) Don't step on the...

(lindsay is squashed underneath the "Giant's" mighty foot step)

trent: (who has been attending to blaineley touches her head and reveals blood on his hand) Oh! Oh, she is in poor condition!

gwen: (to blaineley) Wake up.  
blaineley: Don't let them get Jack.  
gwen: Oh, we won't.  
blaineley: Promise me you won't let him be hurt. As I stand here at deaths door.

trent: I'll do all I can.

blaineley: Promise. Promise!  
trent: Alright I promise!  
blaineley: Jack. Ja... (She dies standing frozen) (izzy approaches, grinning)  
BAKER'S WIFE: No, no, no, no. Come away from there. (geoff) You! You killed her.

geoff: I was thinking of the greater good. That's my job.

Heather: This is the world I meant. Couldn't you listen?  
Couldn't you stay content,  
Safe behind walls

As I could not..

Now you know what's out there in the world. No one can prepare you for the world.  
Even I..  
How could I, who loved you as you were, How could I have shielded you from her,

Or them?

No matter what you say, Children won't listen.  
No matter what you know, Children refuse to learn. Guide them along the way, Still, they won't listen. Children can only grow From something you love, To something you lose!


	12. Chapter 12

eva: Life was so steady, and now this. When are things going to return to normal!?

geoff: We must be gone if we're to arrive before nightfall.

trent: Where are you going?  
katie: We're off to a hidden kingdom.  
sadie: Shhh! We can't take everyone.

heather: Fools, there's nowhere to hide.  
trent: You'll never get there. We have to stay here and find our way out of this together.

eva: Some people are cut out to battle Giants and others are not. I don't have the constitution. And as long as I can be of no help, I'm going to hide. Now, everything will work out fine in the end.

trent: Not always.  
izzy: I hope a Giant steps on them all.

gwen: You shouldn't say that.

Heather: You were thinking the same thing.

izzy: Well this is terrible, we just saw three people die!

heather: Since when are you so squeamish? How many wolves have you carved up?

izzy: A Wolf's not the same!

heather: Ask a Wolf's mother.

trent: Stop it.

heather: I suggest we find that boy now and give her what she wants.

izzy: If we give her the boy, she'll kill him too!

heather: If we don't she'll kill half the kingdom.

gwen: Alright, once step at a time here now maybe, maybe if the boy apologizes and makes a mends...

trent: Yes! He'll return the stolen goods!

gwen: Yes, he's a very sweet boy.

trent: The harp and the hen...

heather: You people are so blind! It's because of that boy there's a Giant in our land. While you continue talking about this problem, I'll find that lad and I'll serve him to the Giant for lunch!

izzy: Well, are we going to let her feed him to the Giant?

gwen: No.  
trent: No, I will find him first.  
gwen: I will go too.

gwen: No, you stay here with the baby.  
gwen: We'll fan out, it will increase our chances of finding the boy.

trent: But what if one of us were to get lost?

gwen: Well,...No, we'll count our steps from right here. (to izzy) Oh, no not you. I need you to stay here and watch the baby. And I don't not want you roaming about the woods. you understand me? Good girl.

trent: You would leave our child with her?

gwen: Yes. The baby's asleep, he will safe with the girl.

trent: But what if the Giant were to return here!

gwen: Oh, the Giant will not harm them, I know this.

trent: How do you know!

gwen: I know.

trent: But what if...

gwen: Oh what if! Will only a Giants footstep stop your arguing!? ...100 paces...go. 1..2...3...4...

trent: 1...2...3...4...

gwen: 78...79...80...81...82...83...84...sir!, hello sir!

duncan: Hello.  
gwen: You must be here to slay the Giant?

duncan: Yes.

gwen: Have you come upon the Giant yet?

duncan: No.  
gwen: I have.  
duncan: You have?

gwen: Yes.  
duncan: And, why are you alone in the woods?

gwen: Oh, I came with my husband. We were,...there's a...we um. It's a long story. 83...84...

duncan: He would let you roam alone in the woods?  
gwen: No, actually that's my choice. I'm looking for a lad that the Giant...

duncan: You're Choice?

gwen: Yes.  
duncan: How brave.

gwen: Oh, Brave?

duncan: Yes. anything can happen in the woods. may i kiss you?

any moment we could be crushed. don't feel rushed. (kisses her)

gwen: This is ridiculous What am I doing here?  
I'm in the wrong story!

No, wait, one moment please, sir! We can't do this.. you have a princess. duncan: Yes, that's true.  
gwen: And I have a.. a Baker.  
duncan: Of course, you're right. How foolish!

Foolishness can happen in the woods.. Once again, please.  
Let your hesitations be hushed.  
Any moment, big or small

Is a moment after all.  
Seize the moment; skies may fall Any moment. (kisses her, deeply)

gwen: No nononono.. this is not right.

duncan: Right and wrong don't matter in the woods, Only feelings..  
Let us meet the moment unblushed.  
Life is often so unpleasant,

You must know that, as a peasant. Best to take a moment present  
As a present, for the moment. (they make out)

trent: JACK!...JACK!...81...82...83...what's wrong ma'am? May I be of some service?

courtney: The tree has fallen. Mother's grave destroyed.

trent: I'm sorry.  
Courtney: My wishes have just been crushed.  
trent: Oh no, no. Don't say that.

courtney: It's true. Oh, you wouldn't understand.

trent: Well, you can't stay here. There is a Giant on the loose.

courtney: I'm certain the prince will see to it that the Giant is rid from our land.

trent: There's been no sign of the prince. No doubt he's off somewhere seducing some young maiden.

courtney: What?

trent: I understand that's what princes do.

courtney: Oh, not every prince.

trent: You look just like the princess. But dirty. You are the princess! (drops into a bow)

courtney: Oh no, get up.

trent: I'm so sorry.

courtney: Oh, please get up. I'm not a princess here.

trent: What are you to do?

courtney: I must be on my way back to the castle.

trent: You haven't heard. We came upon the royal family, the castle has been sat upon by the GIANT.

courtney: No. And the prince?  
trent: No, no he was not with them. Please, you must come with me. You will be safe in our company.  
courtney: Thank you.

trent: This direction, quickly.

duncan: I must leave you.

gwen: Why?

duncan: The Giant..

gwen: Oh, yes, the Giant. I had almost forgotten. Will we find each other in the woods again?

duncan: This was just a moment in the woods.. Our moment.  
Shimmering and lovely and sad.  
Leave the moment, just be glad For the moment that we had.  
Every moment is of moment  
When you're in the woods..  
Now I must go off to slay a Giant. That is what the next moment holds for me. I shall not forget you. How brave you are to be alone in the woods. And how alive you've made me feel.

gwen: What was that? Was that me? Was that him?  
Did a prince really kiss me,  
And kiss me.. and kiss me..

And did I kiss him back?  
Was it wrong? Am I mad?  
Was that all? Does he miss me?  
Was he suddenly getting bored with me?

Wake up! Stop dreaming,  
Stop prancing about the woods.  
It's not beseeming.  
What is it about the woods?  
Back to life, back to sense, back to child, back to husband. No one lives in the woods!  
There are vows, there are ties,  
There are needs, there are standards,  
There are shouldn't and shoulds.  
Why not both instead?  
There's the answer, if you're clever.  
Have a child for warmth, and a Baker for bread,  
And a prince, for.. whatever..  
Never! It's these woods!

Face the facts, find the boy, join the group, stop the Giant- Just get out of these woods.  
Was that me? Yes it was. Was that him? No it wasn't..  
Just a trick of the woods!

Just a moment,  
One peculiar passing moment. Must it all be either less or more, Either plain or grand?  
Is it always 'or'?  
Is it never 'and'?  
That's what woods are for:  
For those moments in the woods...

Oh, if life were made of moments, Even now and then a bad one-!  
But if life were only moments,  
Then you'd never know you had one.

First a Witch, then a child, then a Prince, then a moment- Who can live in the woods?  
And to get what you wish, only just for a moment-  
These are dangerous woods..

Let the moment go..  
Don't forget it for a moment, though.  
Just remembering you had an 'and,' when you're back to 'or,' Makes the 'or' mean more than it did before.  
Now I understand-  
And it's time to leave the woods.

75...76...77...78...79...74...73...72...71? (The Giants footsteps are heard slowly approaching. Closer. Closer. gwen is crushed).

trent: She should be back by now.  
izzy: She wouldn't get lost.

Courtney: I'm sure she'll return.  
trent: No, no, I must go in search of her.  
izzy: We'll come too.  
courtney: Yes.  
trent: You stay here. I will count 100 paces and I shall return soon.

Heather: Look who I found!  
owen: Please don't let her give me to the Giant!

heather: Oh, it's not our fault the Giant wants you.  
owen: Your hurting me!  
Courtney: Let go of him!  
izzy: Leave him alone!  
trent: Where did you find this!?...Jack...Where is my wife? heather: She's dead.

trent: What?  
owen: I'm sorry sir. I came upon her and she was under a tree.  
heather: He was sobbing over her like she was his own mother.

courtney: Oh, how awful.  
trent: How could this happen!...I should have never let her wonder off alone.

owen: I buried her in a foot print.  
trent: I should have insisted that she stay home.  
heather: Remorse will get you know where.  
trent: My wife is dead!

heather: Wake up! People are dying all around you! You're not the only one to suffer a loss. When you're dead you're dead. Now it's time to get this boy to the Giant before we're all so much dead meat.

courtney: No, no. you keep away from him!  
izzy: No.  
heather: This is no time to be soft hearted, he's going to the Giant and I'm taking him.

trent: Yes, yes! He's the one to blame! It's because of you there's a Giant in our midst, and my wife is dead!

owen: But it isn't my fault,  
I was given those beans!  
You persuaded me to trade away my cow for beans!

And without those beans, there'd have been no stalk To get up to the Giant in the first place!

trent: Wait a minute, magic beans for a cow so old That you had to tell a lie to sell it, which you told! Were they worthless beans? Were they oversold?  
Oh, and tell us who persuaded you to steal that gold!

izzy: (to owen) See, it's your fault.

owen: No!  
trent: So it's your fault..  
owen: No!

izzy: Yes, it is!

owen: It's not!  
trent: It's true.

owen: Wait a minute, though-  
I only stole the gold to get my cow back From you!

izzy: (to trent) So it's your fault!

owen: Yes!

trent: No, it isn't!  
I'd have kept those beans, but our house was cursed. She made us get a cow to get the curse reversed!

heather: It's his father's fault that the curse got placed, And the place got cursed in the first place!

izzy: Oh. Then it's his fault!

heather: So.  
Courtney: It was his fault..  
owen: No.

trent: Yes, it is, it's his.

courtney: I guess..

owen: Wait a minute, though-  
I chopped down the beanstalk, right? That's clear. But without any beanstalk, then what's queer  
Is how did the second Giant get down here  
In the first place?  
..second place..

courtney: Yes!

izzy: How?

trent: Hmm..

owen: Well, who had the other bean?

trent: The other bean?

courtney: The other bean?

owen: (to trent) You pocketed the other bean.

trent: I didn't! Yes, I did.

izzy: So it's your f-!

trent: No, it isn't, 'cause I gave it to my wife!

izzy: So it's her f-!

trent: NO, IT ISN'T!

courtney: Then whose is it?

trent: Wait a minute! (to courtney)  
She exchanged that bean to obtain your shoe,  
So the one who knows what happened to the bean is you!

Courtney: You mean that old bean- that your wife-? Oh, dear- (as they all look at her)  
But I never knew, and so I threw-  
Well, don't look here!

izzy: So it's your fault!

courtney: But-  
owen: See, it's her fault-

courtney: But-

owen: And it isn't mine at all!

trent: (to courtney) But what?

courtney: (to owen) Well, if you hadn't gone back up again-

owen: We were needy-

courntey: You were greedy! Did you need that hen?

owen: But I got it for my mother-!

izzy: So it's her fault then!

courtney: Yes, and what about the harp in the third place?

trent: The harp-yes!

owen: (referring to izzy) She went and dared me to!

izzy: I dared you to?

owen: You dared me to!  
(to the others) She said that I was scared-

izzy: ME?

owen: -to. She dared me!

izzy: No, I didn't!

trent, courtney, owen: So it's your fault!

izzy: Wait a minute-!

courtney: If you hadn't dared him to-

trent: (to owen) And you had left the harp alone, We wouldn't be in trouble in the first place!

izzy: (to Courtney) Well, if you hadn't thrown away the bean In the first place-!  
It was your fault!

Courtney: (referring to heather)  
Well, if she hadn't raised them in the first place-!

owen: (to heather) Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place-!

izzy, trent: (to heather)

Right! It's you who raised them in the first place-!  
courtney (simultaneously): You raised the beans in the first place!

owen: It's YOUR fault!

all 4: You're responsible! You're the one to blame!  
It's your fault!

Heather: Shhhhhhhhhhh!

It's the last midnight. It's the last wish.  
It's the last midnight,  
Soon it will be boom-

Squish!  
Told a little lie, stole a little gold, broke a little vow, Did you?  
Had to get your Prince, had to get your cow,  
Have to get your wish, doesn't matter how..  
Anyway, it doesn't matter now.  
It's the last midnight,  
It's the boom-  
Splat!  
Nothing but a vast midnight,  
Everybody smashed flat!  
Nothing we can do...  
Not exactly true:  
We can always give her the boy...  
No?  
No, of course, what really matters is the blame. Somebody to blame.  
Fine, if that's the thing you enjoy, placing the blame, If that's the aim, give me the blame.  
Just give me the boy.

Others: No.

heather:No?  
You're so nice  
you're not good you're not bad you're just nice.

i'm not good i'm not nice i'm just right.

i'm the witch!

youre the world!  
I'm the hitch, I'm what no one believes. I'm the Witch.  
You're all liars and thieves,  
Like his father!  
Just like you will be too!  
Oh, why bother?  
You'll just do what you do!  
It's the last midnight,  
So goodbye, all.  
Coming at you fast, midnight-  
Soon we'll see the sky fall!

Here, you want a bean?  
Have another bean.  
Beans were made for making you rich! Plant them and they soar-  
Here, you want some more?  
Listen to the roar:  
GIANTs by the score-!  
Oh well, you can blame another Witch.

It's the last midnight,  
It's the last verse.  
So, before it's past midnight,  
I'm leaving you my last curse:  
I'm leaving you alone.  
You can tend the garden, it's yours. Separate and alone,  
Everybody down on all fours.

All right, Mother, when?  
Lost the beans again!  
Punish me the way you did then!  
Give me claws and a hunch,  
Just away from this bunch  
And the gloom  
And the doom  
And the boom  
Aaaaaaaah! (heather disappears in a cloud of smoke).


	13. Chapter 13

owen: Maybe I shouldn't have stolen from the Giant.

izzy: Maybe I shouldn't have strayed from the path.

courtney: Maybe I shouldn't have attended the ball.  
trent: Yes. Maybe you shouldn't have.  
owen: Where are you going?

trent: Away from here.

izzy: But, you said we had to find our way out of this together.

trent: Oh, it doesn't matter whether we're together or apart!

owen: We need your help!

trent: You don't understand! My wife was the one who really helped. I depended on her for everything.

courtney: You would leave your child?  
trent: I think my child would be happier in the arms of a princess. courtney: Oh no, but wait!

trent: I thought you were dead.  
chris: Not completely. Are we ever?

trent: As far as I'm concerned, you are.  
chris: Is that true?  
trent: It's because of you, that ALL of this has happened.

chris: I Climbed into the garden to steal your mother a gift. And I foolishly took some of those beans for myself. How was I to know? How are we ever to know? When she died, I ran from my guilt. Now, aren't you doing the same thing?

trent: No.  
chris: Aren't you running away?

trent:

No more questions, please.  
No more tests.  
Comes the day you say, 'What for?' Please.. no more.

chris:

They disappoint, they disappear, they die, but they don't.

trent:

What?

chris:

They disappoint in turn, I fear, Forgive, though, they won't.

trent:

No more riddles.  
No more jests.  
No more curses you can't undo, left by fathers you never knew. No more quests.  
No more feelings. Time to shut the door.  
Just.. No more.

chris:

Running away, let's do it.  
Free from the ties that bind.  
No more despair, or burdens to bear,  
Out there in the yonder.  
Running away, go to it.  
Where did you have in mind?  
Have to take care.. unless there's a 'where', You'll only be wandering blind.  
Just more questions.. different kind.  
Where are we to go?  
Where are we ever to go?  
Running away, we'll do it.  
Why sit around, resigned?  
Trouble is, son, the farther you run,  
The more you feel undefined  
For what you have left undone, and more, What you've left behind.

We disappoint, we leave a mess, we die, but we don't.

trent:

We disappoint in turn, I guess. Forget, though, we won't.

BOTH:

Like father, like son.

trent:

No more Giants waging war!  
Can't we just pursue our lives, with our children and our wives, 'Til that happy day arrives, how do you ignore  
ALL the Witches, all the curses,  
ALL the wolves, all the lies, the false hopes, the good-bye's, The reverses,  
ALL the wondering what even worse is still in store!  
ALL the children.  
ALL the Giants...No more.

courtney: I knew you wouldn't give up.  
owen: He wouldn't leave his baby.  
izzy: It looked like he was going to.

trent: Give me my son. Oh, he always cries when I hold him.

courtney: Now what are we to do?  
trent: We must have a plan before the Giant returns.  
owen: What?  
trent: We must all think.  
owen: If there were just some way that we could surprise her.

izzy: She's too tall to surprise.

courtney: Oh good friends, I need your help now more than ever! What of the prince? I don't care. What's important now, is that we find a way to stop the Giant, how can you help? You can do that? How can I ever thank you?

izzy: You can talk to birds?

courtney: Oh, the birds will help!

owen: How?  
courtney: Now, now when the Giant returns they'll attack her and peck out her eyes and

blind her.  
trent: But what good will that do?

Courtney: Then you could surprise her or strike her or do whatever you do to kill a GIANT.

trent: But once she's blind she'll stagger about.

owen: She'll get angry.  
izzy: She'll crush us all.

trent: Smear the ground with pitch!

courtney: Yes.

trent: We will lour her to an area smeared with pitch!

courtney: Yes! Her shoes will stick and she won't be able to move.

owen: And I will climb a tree and strike her from behind.

trent: And I will be up there too. It may take two mighty blows.

izzy: I'm excited!

owen: We're going to kill the Giant.

trent: Alright, quick. It will be dark soon and we must find the pitch.

izzy: There's some at Granny's

trent: This direction quickly! Oh no, no. No. I...

courtney: What is it?

trent: I think the baby will be safest here with you.

courtney: Alright.

trent: This will take no time. Careful.

COURTNEY: Oh, now, there, there. Oh, don't cry little one. Shhh. I know you want your mother.

duncan: Hello.

courtney: The Giant went in that direction.  
duncan: My darling, I did not recognize you. What are you doing in your

old clothes and with a child? You must go back to the castle at once there's a Giant on the loose.

courtney: The Giant has been to the castle!  
duncan: No. Are you alright? My love, why are you being so cold?

courtney: Maybe because I'm not your only love. Am I?

duncan: I love you. I do. But yes, it's true.

courtney: Why, if you love me would you have strayed?

duncan: I thought if you were mine that I would never wish for more. And part of me is content and as happy as I've ever been. But, there remains a part of me that continually needs more.

courtney: I have on occasion wanted more. But that doesn't mean I went in search of it. If this is how you behave as a prince then what kind of king will you be?

duncan: I was raised to be charming, not sincere. And I didn't ask to be born a king. I'm not perfect. I'm only human.

courtney: I think you should go.

duncan: Leave? But I, I do love you.

courtney: Consider I've been lost. A victim of the Giant.

duncan: Is that what you really wish?

courtney: My father's house was a nightmare. Your house was a dream. Now I want something in-between. Please go.

duncan: I shall always love the maiden who ran away.

courtney: And I the far way prince.

izzy: They're almost finished. You see over there between those two trees. Well, when the GIANT comes, we're to send her over there.

courtney: Good.  
izzy: I wanted to climb the tree too.

courtney: No, I'm glad that you're here to help me. What's wrong.

izzy: My Granny's gone.

courtney: Oh no! Oh, I'm so sorry.

izzy: I think my Granny and my mother would be angry with me.

courtney: Why?

izzy: Well, they said to always make them proud. And here I am about to kill somebody. (plus my lisence to kill is expired!)

courtney: Oh, not somebody. A Giant. Who has been doing harm.  
izzy: But, the Giant's a person. Are we to show her forgiveness?

Mother would be very unhappy with these circumstances.

courtney:

Mother cannot guide you. Now you're on your own. Only me beside you.  
Still, you're not alone.

No one is alone. Truly.  
No one is alone.  
Sometimes people leave you Halfway through the wood. Others may deceive you. You decide what's good. You decide alone.

But no one is alone.

izzy:

I wish..

Courtney:

I know.

jack: Wait until my mother hears I've slain the Giant.

trent: Jack...your mother is dead.

owen: Dead. Was she killed by the Giant?

trent: She was arguing with the Giant trying to protect you and...she was struck a deadly blow by the Prince's Steward.

owen: Why would he do that?

trent: He was afraid that she was provoking the Giant.  
owen: Can no one bring her back?  
trent: No one.  
owen: That Steward will pay for this. After we slay the Giant, I will slay him.

trent: You'll do nothing of the kind.

owen: He shouldn't have killed my mother right?

trent: No, I guess not.  
owen: Then, he must die.  
trent: No.

owen: Why not!?

trent: Because, that would be wrong.

owen: What he did was wrong and he should be punished!

trent: He will be somehow.

owen: How!?

trent: I don't know! Stop asking me questions I can't answer!

owen: I'm going to kill him.

trent: Then kill him. No. No, no don't kill him.

courtney:

Mother isn't here now.

trent:

Wrong things, right things.

courtney:

Who knows what she'd say?

trent:

Who can say what's true?

courtney:

Nothing's quite so clear now.

trent:

Do things, fight things,

courtney:

Feel you've lost your way?

trent:

You decide, but

BOTH:

You are not alone.

Courtney:

Believe me,  
No one is alone

trent:

No one is alone. Believe me.

courtney:

Truly.

BOTH:

You move just a finger,  
Say the slightest word, Something's bound to linger, Be heard.

trent:

No one acts alone. Careful.  
No one is alone.

BOTH:

People make mistakes.

trent:

Fathers,

courtney:

Mothers,

BOTH:

People make mistakes, Holding to their own, Thinking they're alone.

courtney:

Honor their mistakes-

trent:

Fight for their mistakes-

courtney:

Everybody makes

BOTH:

One another's terrible mistakes.  
Witches can be right, Giants can be good.  
You decide what's right, you decide what's good.

courtney:

Just remember

trent:

Just remember

BOTH:

Someone is on your side.

owen, izzy:

Our side.

courtney, trent:

Our side-  
Someone else is not.  
While we're seeing our side-

owen, izzy:

Our side.

trent, courtney:

Our side-

ALL:

Maybe we forgot: they are not alone. No one is alone.

courtney:

Hard to see the light now.

trent:

Just don't let it go.

BOTH:

Things will come out right now. We can make it so.  
Someone is on your- (interrupted)

izzy: Oh, here she comes.

courtney: Alright, alright. Remember, don't let her know our plan. Oh my goodness.

leshawna: Where is the boy!

izzy: We don't know!

courtney: Yes, yes we do! We can't go on hiding him any longer! He must pay the price for his wrongs!

leshawna: Quick, tell me where he is!  
izzy: Over there!  
courtney: See that tree? Where the birds are clustered. Jack is in that tree hiding!

leshawna: Oh Thank you. Now justice will be served and I shall leave your kingdom.  
(The GIANT goes towards the trees as the birds swoop down blinding her...she is vanquished).


	14. finale

blaineley: The slotted spoon CAN catch the potato...

chris: Every knot was once straight rope..

duncan, tyler: The harder to wake, the better to have..  
beth, bridgette: (Yawn) Excuse me.

geoff: The greater the good, the harder the blow..

eva: When going to hide, know how to get there.

noah: And how to get back..

katie, sadie: And eat first..

leshawna: The knife that is sharp today may be dull by tomorrow..

lindsay: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah..

trent: Now! Now we can all return home! And let us hope there will be no more killing.

owen: Where am I to go? I have no one to take care of me.  
trent: You'll have to take care of yourself now Jack. It's time.  
izzy: No it's not. I'll take care of him.

owen: You will?

izzy: Yes. I'll be your mother now.

owen: I don't want another mother. I want a friend...and a pet.

izzy: Of course we have nowhere to go. So, we'll move in with you.

trent: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

izzy: Oh, it will be fun!

trent: No. Goodness no. My house is a shambles. There is hardly room...yes! Yes, of course you can come home with us!

owen: And you shall join us too.

Courtney: Oh no.

trent: You'll not return to the castle.

courtney: Why, I'll gladly help you with your house. There are times that I actually do enjoy cleaning.

trent: How proud my wife would have been of ALL of us. And how sad it is that my son will never know her.

(Baby begins to cry)

trent: Maybe I just wasn't meant to have children-

gwen: Don't say that! Of course you were meant to have children..

trent: But how will I go about being a father With no one to mother my child?

gwen: Just calm the child.

trent: Yes, calm the child.

gwen: Look, tell him the story of how it all happened. Be father and mother, you'll know what to do.

trent: Alone..

gwen: Sometimes people leave you Halfway through the wood.  
Do not let it grieve you,  
No one leaves for good.

You are not alone.  
No one is alone.  
Hold him to the light now, Let him see the glow.  
Things will be ALL right now. Tell him what you know..

trent: Shhh. Once upon a time...in a far-off kingdom...there lived a young maiden...a sad young lad..and a childless Baker...with his wife.

heather: (simultaneously with trent) Careful the things you say,  
Children will listen.  
Careful the things you do,

Children will see.  
And learn.  
Guide them along the way,, Children will glisten.. Children will look to you For which way to turn,  
To learn what to be. Careful before you say, "Listen to me."  
Children will listen.

COMPANY: Careful the wish you make, Wishes are children.  
Careful the path they take,  
Wishes come true,

Not free.  
Careful the spell you cast, Not just on children. Sometimes the spell may last Past what you can see  
And turn against you...

heather: Careful the tale you tell. That is the spell.  
Children will listen..

COMPANY: (in three groups: round) Though it's fearful, Though it's deep, though it's dark  
And though you may lose the path,  
Though you may encounter wolves,

You can't just act,  
You have to listen.  
you can't just act,  
You have to think. Though it's dark,  
There are always wolves, There are always spells, There are always beans, Or a GIANT dwells there. (unison)

So into the woods you go again, You have to every now and then. Into the woods, no telling when, Be ready for the journey.

Into the woods, but not too fast or what you wish, you lose at last.

MEN:

Into the woods, but mind the past.

WOMEN:

Into the woods, but mind the future.

MEN:

Into the woods, but not to stray,

ALL:

Or tempt the Wolf, or steal from the Giant-

The way is dark,  
The light is dim,  
But now there's you, me, her, and him.

Men:

The chances look small,

Women:

The choices look grim,

ALL:

But everything you learn there Will help when you return there.

trent, owen, izzy, courtney: The light is getting dimmer..

trent: I think I see a glimmer-

ALL: Into the woods-you have to grope, But that's the way you learn to cope.  
Into the woods to find there's hope  
Of getting through the journey.

Into the woods, each time you go,  
There's more to learn of what you know.  
Into the woods, but not too slow-  
Into the woods, it's nearing midnight-  
Into the woods to mind the Wolf,  
To heed the Witch, to honor the Giant,  
To mind, to heed, to find, to think, to teach, to join, To go to the Festival!  
Into the woods,  
Into the woods,  
Into the woods,  
Then out of the woods-  
And happy ever after!

Courtney: I wish...


End file.
